Miss Guimba

Room for Spontaneity

2011-01-11T17:07:00.005+08:00

Image from sxc.hu

I was just over Neil Gaiman's blog and was moved to tears by their impromptu wedding. These are what weddings should be. Life, too. Its inexplicable messiness makes it beautiful. Spur-of-the-moment decisions often are beautiful. Heck, my two kids were all unplanned and everyday, I thank God that I have naively plunged into parenthood and now reaping how joyfully ~~nerve-wracking~~ fulfilling it can be. Then, I realized how often I'd get caught up planning an outrageously perfect life that I forget to make room for spontaneous moments.

I planned out my life for the next years ahead and when I was to lay the groundwork for those bold plans, everything seemed to be barring my way. So, I behaved like a petulant child would: moped around, got burned out, spent the rest of December in a haze of depression, let all my projects drop one by one. Not exactly how a mature adult with responsibilities would behave. I had my own version of psychological freak-out, a watered-down "Black Swan" minus lessy wet dreams and the self-cutting. I kept expecting a doppelganger to appear any moment. I didn't even have the heart to write my to-do list in the sumptuous planner Teeyah gave me. I couldn't lift a spatula and experiment. I flipped pages of Yummy magazines and recipes were just recipes. I just let it all slide off me and I didn't care.

One night, I was on my bed with my 2-year-old when I had a moment of panic, of feeling so out of control that I just cried and cried...deep, heaving sobs. Then my daughter out of nowhere said in her cute voice in a matter-of-fact tone that I often use whenever she's in one of her scrapes, "Mommy, wag ka nang umiyak. Bibigyan kita ng toy." (Mom, don't cry. I'll give you a toy.) and she started gesturing and giving me a make-believe toy. I swear to God that my kids were brought into this world so I wouldn't spiral out of control like this. Husbands and friends, too. So little by little, with the help of my hubby who by default was in this rollercoaster ride with me, a steadfast rock to my careening self, and the kind words of friends, I force myself out of the haze and slowly start to live again.

So for the moment, I've made a weekend date with a dear friend without any plans. No itineraries, no to-do list, just a penciled-in list of old friends to meet and a Sunday lunch with my sisters...and we'll see what happens.

Lessons from "A Spider Story"

2010-11-23T11:43:00.001+08:00

I've been on a self-imposed hiatus a month after such a fulfilling road to self-discovery. As always, when I am getting closer to my truth, I have this inescapable feeling of running away from it. I am so afraid of facing my true self because: a) I might find that I'm not that special and so have to live with this knowledge in humiliation my entire life; b) I might be so dazzled by my own destiny that I'll be forever hounded by the "for unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required" commandment I have been fed throughout my life.

Then, as always, my more rational self would rear up and say in a matter-of-fact voice and say that my truth is something I make. For good measure, synchronicity played its part again. My daughter asked me to read her this lusciously illustrated book by Germaine Yia called "A Spider Story."

Basically, the spider named "Bella" was envious of her neighbor's houses, so she set out to make a unique house for herself and she's NOT going to use her ordinary silk thread.

So little Bella who uncannily has wavy hair and glasses like I do started to build a house made of human hair, bubble gum, and this is my favorite part, spaghetti! Each one was a disaster and you know where I'm getting to, right? In the end, she saw how her silk web is the most perfect home for herself and I quote:

Image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

"Bella could not believe her eyes. Right before her was the perfect web. It may not have a penthouse view. It may not have mysterious underground tunnels. It may not even be one that she can't take everywhere. But it was hers. She built it with her eight legs and it was made out of her own silk thread. It was her web and it was perfect."

During Celes' 30 DLBL, I got in touch with my old self, the inner longings of a young person, unweighed by family commitments and brimming with dreams of travel and drinking wine in Italy. Underneath all those unleashed dreaming was an undercurrent of fear I could not shake off. I didn't listen to that voice.I marked and organized the folders that will carry all the paperwork that I need for a scholarship in Italy. I contacted all the professors and employers for recommendation letters, gotten in touch with friends in Europe, the works, but always, there's a hidden voice inside my head that's screaming, "What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?"

At first I thought that it was just fear of the unknown. Stubbornly, I forged on. I actually have to convince myself into thinking that my children will be safe with their father, their grandparents. They will be filled with love. I rationalized that I'm doing this for them! They will have everything they wanted. I needed this. I needed time to be with myself, to see my full potential. By god! I am going to Europe to find my true self a la Elizabeth Gilbert. The universe will once again conspire to give me the best life I have never imagined.

What did the universe give me?

Obstacle after obstacle after obstacle. It was exasperating, really. I bled pesos. I had to battle with a grumpy old postal clerk for International Postal Money Orders which I still don't have until now. I wasn't cleared from the university because I was overassessed by mere P100. When I went to a government office to secure a license, there was no electricity. We went to another town and there was no electricity. I'm sure you might say these are all petty compared to obstacles by great people. Under ordinary circumstances, I would have gritted my teeth and forged on. This time, I was second-guessing myself. Are these obstacles mere messages to urge me to strive harder or are they reminders sent to me by the universe, telling me to halt and re-assess my goals.

I felt it was the latter.

Was I like Bella, trying to build a house on spaghetti noodles, when I am capable of producing strong silk threads? So I take a step back and find myself on square one. Yet again.

My Bucket List

2010-09-28T10:47:00.005+08:00

I couldn't believe how empowering the bucket list is. I've been reading about this since last year but haven't got around to doing it. What's great is that my husband and my 8-year-old made their own bucket lists, too. Celestine Chua asked us to do this in our Day 26 and I'm sharing them with you. It's not complete yet. I stopped at 53 56. But I'll be updating this list soon.

1. Learn Italian.
2. Kiss my husband under the Bridge of Sighs in Venice, Italy while the bells are ringing.
3. Travel abroad with my family.
4. Pop bubbles coming out of the Wishing Fish Clock, Regent Arcade Shopping Centre, Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, England. (See Photo)
5. Learn to drive a car.
6. Ride a Vespa in Italy with a silk scarf streaming behind me.
7. Participate in a NaNoWriMo.
8. Publish a chick lit novel called "Boy Magnet."
9. Publish another chick lit novel called "Love Under the Cherry Blossoms."
10. ~~Bake the perfect apple pie.~~
11. Visit Green Gables Heritage Place in Canada.
12. ~~Bake cinnamon buns to rival Cinnabon.~~
13. Zipline in Cagayan de Oro or Subic.
14. Work in the women sector.
15. Drink tequila with my daughters on their 18th birthday.
16. Have a heart-to-heart talk with my daughters' soon-to-be husbands.
17. Same as above for my second daughter.
18. Help plan my daughters' weddings.
19. Hold a tarsier on my hand.
20. Hold a baby panda.
21. Hold a tiger cub.
22. Ride a boat through Puerto Princesa's Underground River.
23. Experience lush hair with hair extensions.
24. Perfect my English verb tenses.
25. Be a friend's maid of honor.
26. Fly first class.
27. Fly business class.
28. Watch Phantom of the Opera with clear vision. (I watched it already but without my contact lenses. Bad idea.)
29. Watch Wicked in NYC.
30. Drink wine in Tuscany.
31. Live in Tuscany.
32. Meet an online friend in person.
33. Ask for forgiveness.
34. Ask for forgiveness.
35. Complete GEMMA.
36. Complete a Ph.D.
37. Work for an international organization.
38. Meet Neil Gaiman.
39. Take my kids to the American Museum of Natural History in New York.
40. Start a counseling center/spa.
41. Interview Uncle about his life.
42. Write about Uncle's life.
43. Become the Pioneer Woman of the Philippines.
44. Spend a whole day in a spa.
45. Complete reading The Sandman again.
46. Meet Celes in Singapore.
47. Meet Eleanor once again and thank her.
48. Accompany my second kid on her first day of school.
49. Complete our emergency fund and never touch it.
50. Read Dante's La Divina Comedia in Italian and understand it.
51. Eat gelato in Italy.
52. Stroll along the Louvre.
53. See the Mona Lisa with Pammy.
54. Live each day with joy and gratefulness.
55. Watch Mei sing and cheer for her.
56. Take my daughters to see a volcano.
57. Bring my daughter back to a beach in Cebu and help her build a sand castle.

And because my list is boring, here are my daughter's and husband's list. (When I told my daughter I published her list, she was annoyed with me because her list "isn't finished yet" and she gave me an assignment to finish my list. Isn't she adorable?)

My Daughter's Bucket List:
1. Read a book.
2. Bake cookies.
3. Read another book.
4. Write 4 stories.
5. Publish the 4 stories in a book called My Storybook
6. Read more books.
7. Cook on my own.
8. Go to a volcano.
9. Go back to the beach where I made a sand castle and make another one.
10. Go to the clouds and eat a cloud.
11. Teach Nyv how to read a book.
12. Eat my imaginary cookie.
13. Grow my mongo seeds to bear more seeds.
14. Write a letter to nobody.
15. ~~Tell a joke so funny that the furniture would laugh at.~~
16. Have a kitten.
17. Make an anagram for my name.
18. Drink my imaginary milk.
19. Have a treasure chest locked with letter combination ******.
20. Travel to a famous foreign place and take a picture of me riding a local vehicle there.
21. Know the Spanish language.
22. Have my “Sims” fulfill their lifetime wish.
23. Write a bestselling book and cover it with gold foil.
24. ~~Type nonsense like JDUEFJDNJLJEOCBDHBVDBHKEYRJCVCH~~.
25. Cry like a baby.

Hubby's Bucket List:

1. ***
2. Drive a Porsche 911 Turbo
3. Travel the whole Philippines with family
4. Skydiving
5. Go to the moon
6. Slap Bill Gates
7. Stop my baby’s plans for my daughters’ weddings. (Lol-Miss Guimba)
8. Kiss Megan Fox.
9. Buy a BMW 1000R
10. Teach Nia how to brush her teeth properly.
11. Grow a mustache and a beard.
12. Implant my brain inside a computer and upload it to the Internet.
13. Fly a plane.
14. Watch Top Gear Live.
15. Build my own garage.
16. Watch my babies grow up.
17. Look like Brad Pitt.
18. Explore the ocean.

I Have Settled but the Universe Won't Let Me...

2010-09-19T15:09:00.000+08:00

It seems that at the ripe old age of 31, I have settled... I couldn't believe it... I used to pattern my life according to "Anne of Green Gables," all bursting with optimism and joy. What happened? Life happened. Realities encroached on my imagination. The mundane have taken over my life.

What happened?

I lived my life like a zombie, that's what and it took Celestine Chua's 30 DLBL to shake me off my stupor. Life has been an uphill battle since I've started this challenge. Fear has often held me back. My lack of faith. My distrust with the people's ability to be able to help me realize my dreams. Reflecting about my life, I've realized that the synchronicity that Celes was talking about, I have lived it, continuously in my life. It's just a matter of recognizing these events.

It's funny how even when I have failed to dream, the universe has not allowed me to settle. Just when I was floating along, letting life happen, the universe has given me what I needed at the exact time when I needed it. He or she has given me beautiful people who have served as my mentors, my guides to help me at that exact moment. I thank Celes and Kate for being with me at this time. I have had these spiritual guides, if you will call them that, in my life and I'd like to thank them with this poem I made way back in 1997 when I was still writing, when I was still confident with my writing.

To Kate and Celes

I was a rosebud

all shut up in a

green sheath,

afraid of the world

and what it may bring.

My cramped world

was just right for me.

I was uncomfortable

but I felt I was safe

from the strange clamor

of the world outside.

Then your hand came

with strong gentleness,

opening my self

one petal at a time

carefully...

lovingly...

I fought against it

hard...

reluctant...

It hurt to pry my own

world open.

Then I saw the light

radiating from your face.

I felt vulnerable and afraid

but your smile reflected the sun

and banished all my fears.

I basked in the sunshine.

warmed by her constant rays

bringing freedom and love.

And I see you,

who patiently opened

a frightened bud

and I see myself

so beautiful

because of you

and the sun.

The Beauty of Possibilities

2010-09-11T10:41:00.003+08:00

This is Day 9-11 of my 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

So as always, I've tried to take up more than I can chew. Celestine's 30 DLBL proved to be more work than I imagined and I am faced with making a decision either go for my own 30-day challenge or go for the 30 DLBL. I can't do both apparently with full-time work and mothering. Since I feel like my own life's direction is better than being able to churn out 30 beautiful blog posts for September, I chose the 30 DLBL. I could always do the 30-Day Blog Challenge any month, but this is more important. I am also meeting a lot of people who are passionate about their personal growth and I can't miss out on the wonderful support from the community.

The photo on top is what I've been doing for two days. It's part of the 30 DLBL, creating a vision board for my life. In envisioning my ideal life, I encountered some resistance which I talked to you about here, but once I've gotten past that, what was revealed is nothing short of amazing.

Through this exercise, I have revealed what I really wanted to do with my life, that is, helping women to live their best lives. I want to be able to reach out to other women, mothers especially, and let them discover their own beauty and to have the courage to live their dreams. I'm dreaming of a spa that nurtures the body, mind, and spirit. I want a haven where mothers can temporarily get away from their family responsibilities, without feeling guilt, and indulging their own selves so that they can go back to their families renewed.

I want them to enter this haven and feel extreme beauty that they're going to weep with joy. They will be pampered with caring massages that will slough away their cares and be ready for counseling. They will be enveloped with acceptance, so they can make sense of their lives and figure out how to live their dreams. They will be made beautiful inside and out. It's sort of Celestine Chua's dream school, but for women, with spa services to boot. I want this to be open to all women, whether they are rich or poor.

You might say, "You're dreaming, kid," but that's right, I am dreaming and loving it. No logical side of me getting in the way. Well, it is getting in the way, but I'm working to silence it and unleash my imagination instead.

I dream about being surrounded my lovely family and friends... I dream of growing old with my husband with a love that's endless and pure like a diamond coming out from the fires of everyday living...I dream of my daughters, grown and beautiful in their own right, fulfilling their own dreams. I dream of true friends who are as passionate as I am with living and growing and helping other people. I dream of writing inspirational stories so women could relate and be inspired to live their own beautiful lives. I dream of being able to discover Tuscany and enjoying good food. I dream of that lovely kitchen on the left where I can bake to my heart's content and nourish my husband, my kids, and grandkids. I dream of time to myself to write and to read on my Kindle and to reconnect with my soul. I dream about a well-lived life full of truth and beauty, a life lived with courage.

How about you? How do you see your beautiful life? Are you living it? Do you have the courage to live it? Because it could be yours, if you want it enough.

P.S. I have been singing Enya's Book of Days since discovering my life's purpose. I'd like to share it with you. along with these beautiful pictures of nature.

One day, one night, one moment,

my dreams could be, tomorrow.

One step, one fall, one falter,

east or west, over earth or by ocean.

One way to be my journey,

this way could be my Book of Days.

Ó lá go lá, mo thuras,

an bealach fada romham.

Ó oíche go hoíche, mo thuras,

na scéalta nach mbeidh a choích.

No day, no night, no moment,

can hold me back from trying.

One flag, One fall, One falter,

I'll find my day may be, Far and Away.

Far and Away.

One day, one night, one moment,

with a dream to believe in.

One step, one fall, one falter,

find a new earth across a wide ocean.

This way became my journey,

this day ends together, Far and Away.

This day ends together, Far and Away.

Far and Away.

Kindred Spirits and the Graceful Exit

2010-09-08T23:45:00.003+08:00

Image from http://www.sxc.hu

This is Day 8 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge which coincides with my joining Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

A whirlwind brought us together.

We were in the second grade and a small whirlwind formed in the middle of the school grounds. While most of our braver classmates rushed outside with unconstrained glee to watch this natural phenomenon, we both cowered under our desks, convinced that it was the end of the world. We were inseparable since.

With her, our ordinary school grounds were transformed into a magical place. The falling leaves of the acacia trees were elusive wish leaves, rewarding the person who catches one of them with a single wish. The narrow passage between the stone grotto of the Virgin Mary and school walls were the intestines of a giant who swallowed us whole, its protruding stones the cilia (we were fascinated with science) that moved us across the intestinal tract. A mere hole in a tree was the doorway to the land of the fairies. We would stand watch every recess time and after school for a glimpse of these shy creatures.

We read books aloud together, taking turns on the even or odd pages, a ballpoint pen serving as a pointer so we wouldn't get ahead of each other. Because her parents would frequently go to Manila, she was the source of my books aside from the library. We avidly read "From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler" or "Jennifer, Hecate, MacBeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth." We were fans of E.L. Konigsburg and Enid Blyton. We plotted on how to steal "The Princess Bride" from the library, but we never got around to actually doing it.

Saturdays would be spent either at her house or mine, regardless that we lived about 20 kilometers apart. We would spend endless afternoons playing in the lush grounds of their neighbor who was a doctor. We buried time capsules and pretended we were characters in "The Legend of Zelda." At our house, we would play dress up; my mother had an endless supply of gowns from my relatives in Canada. We would borrow my mother's heels and strut around the house, pretending we were princesses. We mastered the fine art of dining that way, consulting a 1970s tome of fashion, beauty, and manners that I inherited from my beauty queen aunt.

She left for two years with her family to New Zealand and Brunei, and how we missed each other. We wrote letters and although we both had friends, the moment she came back, we were together again. During high school, we would write letters, Anne of Green Gables-style, to each other and mail it. We knew that other people would think that was silly, but we were never too old for our imaginations. Our relationship was like Anne and Diana, but we could never decide who would be Anne or Diana. We both wanted to be Anne, since Diana married early and didn't go to college.

Of course there were fights, our petty jealousies, our usual teenage drama. Looking back, I believe we both envied each other, but there was no doubt about our loyalty with each other.

One of the best memories I had with her was talking in the dark in their house. Her room was in an attic with a window and we watched in awe as the moon rose slowly in the velvet sky.

We got into the same university during college but with different courses. She lived in a campus dormitory and I lived with my relatives. It became more difficult to keep in touch, but we would spend endless hours over the phone or have Saturday dates at Pizza Hut. She had her set of friends; I had mine and we slowly drifted apart. In elementary school, we both pledged to be bosom friends forever "as soon as the sun and moon shall endure," but we didn't realize that we'll be living in different worlds.

Yet, I still treasured our friendship. She was my maid of honor and my eldest daughter's godmother.We would see each other once a year and I always considered her my best friend. Then, I heard that she got married. I wasn't invited. It was an intimate family affair, I heard, but the hurt was palpable nevertheless. With that gesture, she unknowingly said that the friendship is over. I would cry remembering her; my husband would comfort me and tell me that I had to let her go and would joke that I act like a jilted lover.

Today, I still cry for my best friend and mourn the loss of a great friendship, but I am ready to let go now. I still have to master the art of the graceful exit. I am inspired by what Ellen Goodman wrote in her swan song for The Washington Post, "There's a trick to the Graceful Exit. It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, a relationship is over -- and to let go. It means leaving what's over without denying its validity or its past importance in our lives...[emphasis mine] It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving on rather than out." So I tread lightly, but move forward and open myself up to new friendships.

How about you? Do you have a childhood best friend? If you're still together today, then you're truly blessed. Please take the time to tell her/him how you treasure your friendship.

The Point of Emotional Resonance

2010-09-07T11:26:00.007+08:00

Image from www.sxc.hu

This is Day 7 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge which coincides with my joining Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

I am actually ashamed to admit that I was doing this personal development thing. I would be embarrassed and close the window whenever my husband gets near enough to read what's on my monitor. I'd breezily explain to my husband that it's something to while away my time, although I know that I don't have extra time on my hands as I'm battling deadlines left and right. I know he doesn't believe me, but it's hard to admit that you feel inadequate, that you have a problem.

I've always cultivated this image of being perfect. Every time I text parents, I usually deliver good news. I am earning lots of money despite having an unconventional job. I have wonderful kids and a wonderful husband. My clients love me. I usually gloss over bouts of procrastination, mistakes, and lost clients because I pride myself on being perfect.

But I'm not perfect. I don't think I will ever be, but I want to be my best self which explains my obsession with personal development, minimalism, and what-have-you.

I entered this challenge with a healthy dose of skepticism. How can you improve your life in just 30 days? It creeped me out that 1,099 people could be doing the same thing I'm doing. There was even a time when I thought that Celes was crazy, thinking that you can do this in an hour or so everyday. I found myself struggling with the tasks, especially since I also signed up for a big project that turned out to have a short timetable. Add the mundane tasks of mothering to the mix and I'm one big mess. I wanted to escape to my own Walden Woods (I'm thinking Puerto Princesa) and to "live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Alas, I don't have that luxury. I had to make do with the time I had and although my tasks are as haphazard as a sloppily put together children's project, I am amazed at what it can do to your life. Yesterday, as per Celes' advice of pressing on against resistance, I tried discovering my purpose. I even did the brain dumping exercise, thinking "This is so silly... This is so silly..." Then I started listing my purpose... Celes said that you will come to a point of emotional resonance. I personally thought, "Emotional resonance, my a**!" But did the exercise anyway.

Somewhere between my 25th answer, I began crying... and then Enya's Caribbean Blue started playing (I had Enya, my absolutest favoritest artist ever in the background.) and I couldn't stop crying... I've discovered my life's purpose. Corny much? I haven't had this spiritual experience since I left organized religion behind.

To live my life in truth and beauty and to live it courageously so other people can be inspired to do the same.

To create a world that allows people to be their true and best selves.

How many times have I aligned my life according to other people. First, I aligned it according to what my parents expect of me, then my church and my friends, then my husband and family. Life is never about me, but according to other's expectations. I remember when we were asked to do a psychology paper about our identities and all I came up with are roles, a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, a student. No wonder I love those travels abroad. It seems like I was presented a blank slate to start over again. I was just me and it felt wonderful. It's easy to be yourself in another territory; you don't know anyone. No one has a preconception of who you are. The challenge now is whether I can do it here in my present world without having to escape.

Caribbean Blue

...Eurus...

...Afer Ventus...

...so the world goes round and round

With all you ever knew --

They say the sky high above

Is Caribbean blue...

...if every man says all he can,

If every man is true,

Do I believe the sky above

Is Caribbean blue...

...Boreas...

...Zephryus...

...if all you told was turned to gold

If all you dreamed was new,

Imagine sky high above

In Caribbean blue...

...Eurus...

...Afer Ventus...

...Boreas

Zephryus...

...Africus...

Confessions of a Young Mother

2010-09-06T14:54:00.003+08:00

Image

This is Day 6 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge which coincides with my joining Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

I inherited my wanderlust from my mother. When I was a kid, my mother went away for two to three days, a week at most to work conferences. She would go off alone and I remember how I missed her on those days she's off somewhere. I wondered why she couldn't/wouldn't take me with her.

Perhaps that's the reason why I feel myself awash with guilt whenever dreams of travel fill my head. How could I do this to my daughters who obviously need me and who enjoy being with me? Does this mean that I love them less?

Now that I'm a mother, I understand how my mother would need time for herself. Life as a mother is full of endless and selfless giving that it's easy to come to a point when you have nothing to give. I know that few mothers would admit to this, for fear of being labeled as a bad mother. I attribute this to the unfair images of the good mother we are fed daily.

I remember watching in horror at this weird Japanese film when a mother was dying. Her husband and her children were crying out to her not to die. In desperation, the husband said, "Cook breakfast for us!" and the dying mother rose, her eyes glazed with fever. Then she got a wok and started cooking. After finishing her cooking, she went back to her bed and died. I watched that movie when I was in college and I interpreted it as another message for feminism. Now, that scene in the movie has lost its surreality. I am living it in less dramatic versions.

Remember that Blue Bay Tuna commercial where the kid ate all the canned tuna and the mother gave her share? Mothers are always seen in all their unselfish glory, giving, serving, washing clothes, complete with a luminous smile. Those images don't tell us how unreasonable children can be, how hard it is to be jarred awake by a child's wailing for milk, how icky it is to clean up after a child's "accidents." Those images don't tell us the guilt we feel when we thoroughly enjoy a day out without the kids.

All these inconveniences are easy to endure because children are adorable. Their innocent gazes full of love... their heavenly baby smells... their toothy grins.... their unquestioning acceptance of your love. It's easy to fall in love with them again even after they hit you square in the face with a baby bottle full of milk. But what if they're already grown? What if they already have lives of their own? Would you feel like all your sacrifices are worth it? I dread the time when my children would be off not needing my company anymore. When they go off to live their lives independently, would I be selfless enough not to expect for their call or their presence during holidays? When they already have families of their own and the visits become more infrequent, will I live my life quietly alone in a nursing home and feel nothing but gratitude for their presence?

I am raising my kids as best as I know how. Parenting is like walking in an unknown path, sometimes fumbling along, sometimes in resolute steps, but always, always with fierce and utterly complete love. When that time comes, will my children call out to me when they're in pain or in the depths of despair like I called my mother several times when I was giving birth to my first child? I hope so. No! Wait! I know so.

If you're grown-up, would you do a favor for me? Could you call or text your mother and tell them you love them? I would be very grateful.

Missed... Day 4... But It's Okay

2010-09-05T11:07:00.001+08:00

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This is Day 4-5 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge which coincides with my joining Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

I knew it... I knew that I'll miss yesterday's post because I was overwhelmed with tasks that I needed to do... work-related stuff that I didn't want to forgo because there are people who are depending on them... Plus, I haven't had a decent night's sleep the past few days. Honestly, for those mothers who work full-time jobs with full-time mothering responsibilities, my hat's off to you. How can you seriously do it? I have a nanny and a mother-in-law assisting my mothering. Then my MIL had the flu and I had to take over, and I didn't have a decent night's sleep until last night.

I should be banging my head on the wall right now the way I do when I make a mistake or do not deliver. The old Miss Guimba would have cowered in shame and left this project. But I started this project with a mission to be kind to myself, so like my little girl would say after she watched "Meet the Robinsons," "Keep moving forward."

Yesterday's task was to discover your mission in life. I tried this exercise and I can never do it. First is I was afraid that I will never discover my purpose and then second, I'll discover the wrong one. Then, I'd be living my life with a false purpose and when I'm about to die, I'll look at my life and discover that I was chasing the wrong dream or purpose... See, there's that fear again? So the moment I saw this in Celestine Chua's blog, I was filled with dread again.... then there were those deadlines looming and I chose the easier path and worked on the deadlines instead... worked myself to exhaustion so I wouldn't have to face the task.

I woke up, though, feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the task. I know that you're supposed to fight through this exercise; some said they were on the 800th answer before it finally hit the spot. I got mine the first time, possibly because I've been mulling around this one for about a month. Somewhere at the back of my mind, I was thinking about it...

I discovered I knew it all along... It's even written in my blog profile description:

My purpose in life is to discover beauty in myself, in others, and the world, and to be able to share that beauty with them.

Too general, maybe... I'm not even sure if this is a purpose, but by God did it give me peace to finally be able to write it down.

How about you? Have you thought about why you are here on earth and what you're supposed to do in this life? Are you living your life's purpose?

How to Achieve Your Dream: Don't Overthink

2010-09-03T23:54:00.002+08:00

Image by Eustaquio Santimano

This is Day 3 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge which coincides with my joining Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

Today's task is to create a vision board of your dream life and part of that dream life is to temporarily live in Italy. I used to dream about going to Venice, Italy after I watched A Little Romance when I was in the sixth grade. Like Lauren, I wanted to ride a gondola and kiss my lover under the Bridge of Sighs at sunset while the bells toll. This way, we'll be in love forever.

In fact, I still believed in this dream when I took Italian as my language elective, but alas, reality got in the way and I was forced to forget about this dream and my Italian conjugations. Now, all I know is how to count in Italian. It didn't help that one of my friends who had been to Italy said that Venice is ugly; that it has deteriorated over the years. I even created an article for a textbook about Venice and found out how it is sinking a few millimeters every year. Yet, love for Italy and its wonderful culture beckoned so I switched to Tuscany.

Image Courtesy of Saida Online

This is exactly where I visualize myself, glorious in Tuscany.

Don't you just love the colors in this photo?

Aren't these pictures sumptuous?

I would love to stay in Italy for two years and discover the whole country. I don't want to just tour it; I want to stay there and get to know the place, the language, the people. Most of my jaunts abroad lasted a year at most and I have come back renewed and loving the Philippines all the more.

While doing this exercise, I realize how doable dreams are if you were honest to yourself. If you think in simple terms, you'll find out that it's perfectly possible. We just tend to overthink our dreams and get scared in the process. For example, I could do the following to achieve this dream.

1. Find out how much it takes to live in Tuscany for a year.

2. Scout for scholarships/trainings. All my travels were free, because I got into scholarships or paid internships. Or: Save like crazy. There are endless possibilities to getting the resources for it if you're really determined.

3. Research about the place.

4. Learn the language and the culture.

5. Pack your bags and go.

Most of my trips abroad were serendipitous. It's like when my life is spinning out of control/getting boring or routine, an opportunity to go outside the country comes and it's like the whole universe has conspired to give me the break that I need. In fact, when I Googled "A Little Romance" because my memories about it were rusty, I was pleasantly surprised when the male lead was described as a highly intelligent boy who loves Hollywood films and who uses his mathematical abilities to bet at horse races. My husband who's a Math whiz himself told me how he used probability theories to place his bet in the yearly town fair and how the operator had to close down because my husband kept winning. How's that for coincidence? I married my Daniel Michon. Perhaps Italy is just around the corner, eh?

Scaredy Cat? Conquer Your Fear

2010-09-02T22:49:00.001+08:00

Image: graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This is Day 2 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge which coincides with my joining Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

On the second day of Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge, I'm reminded of my oldest sister who lives in Canada and the clothes she used to send to us through a balikbayan box. My oldest sister was a creative individual who would never wear clothes straight out of a boutique. Nifty with a needle and thread, she would alter new clothes and come up with a "Hyacinth" original. By alter, I mean that she would rip a sleeve off, sew additional buttons, or add a tulle flounce somewhere. This is what I've been doing with Celestine Chua's tasks, except that if Celes' LBL Challenge were a dress, I would have cut through the neckline, ripped a sleeve off, and made the skirt shorter. I wish that I did this as a creative endeavor, but I am ashamed to admit that it all boils down to fear.

Why am I afraid? Today's task is this:

What would you do if you can never, ever fail? What would you do if you have unlimited resources, time or networks? What are your biggest goals and dreams? What would you want to achieve in your life? What is your ideal life? What is a life you can look back and be proud of living, and tell yourself "I've truly lived to my fullest?"

All the others in the LBL challenge enjoyed this exercise, but I looked exactly like that kitten on the image, afraid to cross the road. Where is the 20-year-old, 5'2" (okay, okay 5'1") girl who flew to Japan with just $200 in her pocket and who knew no one in that land? Where is that fearless woman who went to Baltimore on an internship not knowing anyone else?

Why can't I dream? It's because I fear that I might not achieve it. How agonizing that would be! I don’t want my life to be “a perfect graveyard of buried hopes” as Anne of Green Gables would have said.

So, I don’t hope and I don’t dream.

Then I found this quote by Theodore Roosevelt in The Art of Manliness:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Armed with this, I dare to dream.

The Secret to Successful Personal Development

2010-09-01T15:06:00.003+08:00

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This is Day 1 of my 30-Day Blogging Challenge which coincides with my joining Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge.

The first day of Celestine Chua's 30-Day Live a Better Life Challenge kicked off today and I would say that it's really ambitious. She asks you first to write a note to yourself to encourage you in this journey. What I wrote in my note is eye-opening.

You see, if you're like me, I beat myself up for every small mistake I make. In fact, the slightest mistake can paralyze me and I would nurse a mistake and torture myself with regret for days and even years. While I may be patient with other people, I hold myself to a different and more rigid standard. That's why I have been holding off with this 30-Day Blog Challenge. I knew that if I couldn't do it, then I'd spend years recovering from the shame and defeat.

My letter to myself was the first time that I have been encouraging and kind to me, which brings me to the reason why I am into personal development lately. Is it because I don't like being me or is it because I know I deserve better?

Before you start in your journey to a better life, you have to be kind to yourself first. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and respect. You're not some broken and incomplete person that needs fixing. You are complete, whole. Only in this mindset will you be successful. You set goals and fulfill your dreams because you value your life. You don't want it to go to waste with mindless living.

Twisted Halo of eternal sunshine is achieving her 30-Day Blog Challenge for this month. I love her blog, full of amazing pictures and she has this wonderful camera necklace collection. She's giving away one necklace for a blog giveaway so if you're into necklaces, check out her blog.

Celestine Chua's 30-Day “Live A Better Life in 30 Days” Challenge

2010-08-31T10:11:00.001+08:00

Image: graur codrin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Celestine Chua whom I discovered through her guest post at Zen Habits announced her 30-day "Live a Better Life in 30 Days" Challenge. I love Celestine Chua because she makes minimalism/simple living closer to Asians. She's a personal development coach in her early twenties from Singapore. At a young age, she already discovered her life's purpose, something that I haven't yet achieved in my 31 years. It's also the only PD blog that I have read that actually works; most of the blogs I have read about PD are often too scary or too discouraging because I have no idea how to apply it to my life right now. For example, while I would like to live like Chris Guillebeau who travels around the world and applaud the way he is working towards his goals, I honestly don't have the resources right now. I also have two little kids who need me. When Celestine said, "Because life is not about reaching and attaining your goals. Life is about living in alignment with your purpose every single day, to your best of abilities," (emphasis mine) I was completely won over.

This is also a nice way to achieve what Krissy, my favorite blog friend, had done in her 30 Days of Pretty Little Things inspired by Mariel Chua of Ny Minute Now. Krissy is the person who forever erased my skepticism of the Internet and Internet relationships. She is refreshing and reminds me of Anne of Green Gables which is the highest compliment I can ever give because she is my favorite book character ever. So, Krissy, here goes!

My 30 Days Blogging Challenge starts tomorrow and I'm glad it's September. September brings to mind golden fiery-reds of trees and lovely autumn weather. My favorite season will always be autumn. Although I cannot experience this season in the Philippines, my recollections about it are still vivid. Don't you just love it when your memories are full of bursts of color and excitement? That's exactly what I feel right now.

You can go over to this link and sign up if you're into this PD stuff. Let me know if you do. I'd love to do it with you.

How to Forgive

2010-08-16T14:06:00.001+08:00

Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." ~Mahatma Gandhi

Since working from home, I have been secluded from the outside world. Save for my family and clients, I haven't really connected with anybody except for the light banter at Facebook. I'd like to think that being separated from my friends was something I could not control. In truth, it was a deliberate act. I was burned by friends whom I've treasured for a long time and this left me distrustful of all my friends and people in general. I thought to myself, if these persons whom I've trusted could betray me, how much more are those who are not my friends?

It was exhausting to nurture a grudge. Whenever memories of the betrayal rear up, I felt rage. Then, I'd launch into 101 plots of revenge on these persons. I also started avoiding friends that are connected to those who betrayed me because it made me remember the pain they have caused. I was consumed by worries that these persons are still backstabbing me within our circle of friends. Because I was spending so much time being hurt and being angry, I neglected even the friends who didn't do anything wrong. I came into a realization that these feelings of betrayal are poisoning my life. They robbed me of enjoying my friendships and isolated me from caring people because of the distrust it produced.

So, I decided to forgive. When you've sunk so low as I had because of anger and hurt, there's nowhere to go but up, towards forgiveness. I've learned that it takes a decision to know whether you want to rise up again or stay in the dumps. I've been down here for two years and all it gave me was a festering sore of anger that never really leaves.

I've put together the stages that I've gone through to help those who are in the same situation. I hope by putting this down on paper (on the blogosphere) I'd be able to share with you my journey towards forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an overnight cure-all. It was a commitment I had to make everyday. Believe me, though, that forgiveness is a clean and liberating feeling that will attract positive things into your life. It's sort of a mental decluttering that frees your heart from the burden of hurt so you can make room for positive feelings instead.

Acknowledge the hurt. For a time, I failed to recognize how the betrayal affected me. Because of my pride, I refused to admit that what my friends have done to me destroyed my trust and faith in people. I was only fooling myself. My actions tell me otherwise, and so I told myself that yes, I was hurt by these people. By recognizing that you were hurt, you'll be able to release that feeling to make room for forgiveness.
Recognize that you needed forgiveness, too. Compassion is necessary to forgive. To cultivate compassion, think about the times when you were the one who needed forgiving. There were times when you've wittingly or unwittingly hurt another person. When you put yourself in another's shoes, you'll find it easier to decide to forgive.
Decide to Forgive. For those who think that there are actions that are not meant to be forgiven, please hear me out. When you forgive, this does not mean that you allow people to continually hurt you or approve of what they have done. Nor is it a response to someone who is asking for forgiveness. In fact, you can forgive even if the persons who hurt you never asked for forgiveness. The persons who hurt me never asked for forgiveness, but I chose to forgive them. I decided to forgo my desire to be right and to feel aggrieved. Forgiveness is not something that you do for other people, but for yourself. This is the key thing in deciding to forgive. When you fail to forgive, you only hurt yourself because you remain a victim of someone else's actions. Research has shown that bestowing forgiveness can have health benefits. It lowers stress levels, making you less likely to contract cardiovascular disease and hormonal disruptions. Think of all the benefits you'll reap. In fact, forgiveness is the most selfish act you can do because you are the one who gets all the benefits.
Let go of the hurt and the desire for revenge. This is one of the hardest parts I had to go through. You see, being vindictive can also give you a good feeling, so does knowing that you were right. This feeling can even give you a sense of power. In the end, you're the one who suffers because you cannot act on your feelings of revenge. I am also sure that even if you do act on those feelings, you'd feel bad after because it's against your nature to hurt other people purposefully. If you do feel better after having your revenge, please feel free to comment on this post. I'm curious as to how other people feel after getting their revenge. I'd imagine that the happiness will be short-lived, but I'm open to other's thoughts about this.
Commit to forgiving. Whenever you are troubled with memories of the betrayal (and believe me, these feelings will surface more often than you'd like), remind yourself about your decision to forgive. Think about something good that came out of the situation. Among the positives that I can think of in my situation is that it allowed me to stand up for myself and to not permit other people to abuse me. I have also learned how to appreciate the relationships that I have that were not tainted by betrayal. Another positive result from my experience is to allow myself to be emotionally generous.

I can say personally that forgiveness brought peace into my life. I am not controlled by anger or resentment. Although it's a long and difficult process (it took me two years after the incident), I can say that I did not regret the decision to forgive.

Don't Base Forgiveness on the Other Person's Actions

You might wonder why I didn't include telling the person that you have been hurt or even waiting for the offender to apologize. I have debated over whether this stage is compulsory to forgiveness. I personally think that it isn't because if it is, forgiveness depends on another person's decision and not yours. Then there's the problem of whether or not that person can be reached. What if the person is dead or doesn't want your forgiveness? Here's a general rule that I live by: If you still have contact with the person who has hurt you and you value this relationship, I find it useful to express that you got hurt by his or her actions. Do not accuse them; just concentrate on how their actions made you feel. I find that most of the time persons do not actually intend to hurt you. They may even act surprised that their actions have caused you grief. Oftentimes, they apologize.

Then there's another breed who refuse to apologize and accept that they have wronged you. Forgive them regardless of their reactions. When you tell them that you have been hurt, this shows that you give no room for further abuse. Remember, forgiveness doesn't mean that you condone the action or that you allow yourself to be mistreated. If this happens, perhaps, you can decide to end the relationship or to not accept further abuse.

How about you, dear readers? Have you had any experience with forgiveness? How did it make you feel?

On "Acting Poor"

2010-06-14T10:37:00.000+08:00

First off, I'd like to thank everyone for the wonderful comments on my post about "acting poor." Now, for some background on that phrase. I encountered this phrase from an article from BNET about advice to new graduates this 2010. The author said that to become a millionaire, you have to act poor.

Although I have no dreams of being wealthy, I'd like to have enough so we can send both kids to college (or medical school or law school or whatever they want to do with their lives), make sure they are independent by the time they graduate, and live our old age independently. Now that I think of it, I should be wealthy to do these things.

When I became aware of my finances, I got really good at writing down my expenses, but I am not satisfied with the way I'm allocating our income. Too much expenses with minimal savings. I've traced my difficulty in saving more because I am unable to draw the line between need and want. I also took with me a very bad habit from my previous lifestyle when I had more than enough; I didn't care about price.

The answer to my dilemma came in the form of that phrase "act poor" which resulted to my reflecting on why I didn't want to "act poor." Now, I think that it's the answer to my financial problems. I have to act poor so I can save on what really matters and for now, this means preparing for my kids' education and our retirement.

This means examining our current expenses and weeding out what is unnecessary. This means stopping to buy books and other reading materials because I have access to an online library and blogs that are great reads. This means having to finish all the cosmetics and toiletries I have hoarded instead of buying more out of curiosity.

I have to shake off this mindset that to be frugal, you are depriving yourself from any happiness because there are ways to be happy without spending. Besides, this is a practice of mindful living where you channel all your resources and energies into something that's important to you. To me, retiring without having to be a burden to my kids and being able to give them opportunities to become independent are the most important. With this in mind, I can put off not having a weekly manicure or a monthly massage.

Best vs Perfect

2010-06-04T16:52:00.001+08:00

I just love this doodle by Ro Paxman, the force behind Scrapgirls.com. Sometimes, we're so bent on doing something perfect that we fail to do it. So, this is my mantra, just "Do the best you can today."

You'll be surprised at how much you can get things done when you get the perfection out of the equation.

Why We Don't Want to Act Poor

2010-06-03T22:54:00.008+08:00

Image: Michal Marcol / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Leo Babauta in his latest blog post in mnmalist.com said that even those in poverty can embrace the minimalist lifestyle. Minimalism benefits the poor, too. In fact, we need it the most. I personally think that it's one of the ways we can be happy even if we have fewer possessions. For all the benefits that minimalism has to offer, there's a strong possibility that a minimalist lifestyle will be met by disdain by less enlightened folks. In fact, being a minimalist can be misconstrued by most as being poor.

Almost all personal finance blogs I've read said that in order to become rich, we have to act poor. In fact, some millionaires or billionaires live simple lifestyles. I know a millionaire who still line up for discount seats in Broadway shows and who shop at Wal-Mart. So why don't we act poor? Why is there so much fear about becoming or acting poor?

Then, I remembered. When I was in the sixth grade, my family was invited to a family reunion in Isabela. The invite came from distant relatives on my father's side. Now, when you're in the Philippines, a reunion means knowing 10 people and meeting a hundred strangers who will be introduced to you as "relatives." I am not kidding.

The reunion was a real event. The organizers even had parlor games prepared for the kids. Since I was 12 going on 13, I scoffed at the parlor games and contented myself to being a spectator. I noticed that most of the kids wore their Sunday's best. Little girls wore pretty dresses; little boys looked spiffy in their obviously brand new clothes. Then there were the less-fortunate relatives whose clothes were threadbare. While others wore shoes, there were those who had flip-flops that had seen better days. Yet, those in threadbare clothes outran their better-dressed peers. I knew some of them worked in the fields, helping their farmer parents. That probably explained their lithe bodies.

When the parlor games were over, the reunion's organizers said that they'd be giving gifts to all the kids. The kids shrieked with joy and started to line up. Then the organizers discovered that they didn't have enough gifts for all the kids. Their solution? They asked the ones in threadbare clothes to go to the end of the line. Need I elaborate on who didn't get a gift? One little boy contented himself with the gift wrappers which were thrown away by their "richer" relatives.

To my utmost shame, I didn't do anything when I watched this scene unfold. But that little boy who picked up the gift wrappers while other kids played with their new toys remain vivid in my mind. The organizers didn't even think twice not giving gifts to the poorer kids.Yet, this scene is played everyday in slightly different ways in our country. The poor are treated unfairly, disrespectfully, while the rich gets to have free coffee and what-have-you in banks where they deposit their millions. To put it brashly, money talks, people!

So I do understand why we go to great lengths not to appear poor in this country. Call it superficial or just plain wrong, but that's how it is. How can we change it? While we cannot change how the whole world thinks overnight, we could make a commitment not to judge a person based on how she or he looks or what he or she has. Strive to treat everyone equally, but to treat the poor with more compassion. We could also give back in whatever way we could.

Conquering the Depression-Era Mindset

2010-05-11T13:32:00.000+08:00

Part of the thinking that I had to overcome when deciding to become a minimalist was conquering the Depression-era mindset. Although the Philippines didn't have a Depression like it did in the United States, I still believe that the Depression-era mindset is rampant in our country.

The Depression-era mindset was coined for the hoarding attitude of people who have lived through the Depression in the United States. Unclutterer defines this mindset here. When I first read that article, I rejected it outright because I have never felt that we were at a "more prosperous time" to merit throwing away things that you don't need.

In fact, one of the difficulties I've had in embracing minimalism was that I found the practice of throwing away stuff or giving it away wasteful. After all, I grew up in a typical Ilocano household. My mother used to cut up a toothpaste tube in half to make sure that we get all the toothpaste inside; she added water to shampoo so that we'd get every drop. I used to hate living that way and felt ashamed that we had to do that.

That's why when I first started earning I accumulated so much stuff to remind myself that I am not poor. Yet, that mindset never really made me happy. That's because I wanted more stuff than I have and I knew that it will never end.

Now, I have to come to terms with my Ilocano thriftiness and minimalism. Here are a few guidelines that is helping me conquer my Depression-era mindset:

1. Give unused stuff away. I gave most of my stuff away instead of throwing them out. My immediate family members, all girls, had the first pick of my clothes, bags, and other stuff. I didn't know how to ask my friends whether they'd want my stuff because I feel shy asking them. They might think that I am being condescending. Knowing that I have made my family and other people happy with my unused stuff made it easier to part with them.

2. Sell them and create a stuff replacement fund. I got this tip from Get Rich Slowly. One of the most difficult reasons why I can't part with stuff is the worry that I might need it someday. Selling your stuff on Ebay or other online selling sites and putting the money to an emergency fund might drive away that worry. The only downside for this is that you need to invest some time and effort in selling the stuff. I myself was not successful in selling some books on Ebay which makes me wonder about the actual cost of my stuff.

I'd say that you can reserve this tip for big-ticket items like electronics. You can search Ebay and see how much similar items are selling or whether they are selling at all. I also thought of holding a garage sale, but I was thinking about the actual cost of selling stuff, packing them, doing an inventory, and haggling with customers. I don't think spending an entire day selling your clothes for P10 is worth it. Believe me, with all the ukay-ukay shops out there, you'll have a tough time selling clothes for more than that especially in the province.

3. Give unused stuff away. All right, so I'm repeating myself. I think giving away is your best bet to unclutter. Think about it. You will make another person happy and you have all the good will that goes with it. I just loved how my helper's eyes lit up when she saw how many stuffed toys I'm giving her. Contrast that to spending the whole day haggling with a cheapskate who wants the same stuffed toy for P5.

Have I conquered the Depression-era mindset? I'm still trying to. I still have tons of stuff sitting around the house. It's still too hot to really do something physical. I went out today and nearly died from heat stroke (drama queen!). I'm trying to psyche myself so I'll be able to part with my stuff when the rainy season comes and it's cooler where the storage room is right now. For now, I'm feeling more adventurous that I feel I'm ready to take the plunge and to fully embrace the minimalist lifestyle. It has so much promise.

What Truly Makes You Happy?

2010-05-07T09:23:00.003+08:00

“There are three wants which never can be satisfied: that of the rich, who wants something more; that of the sick, who wants something different; and that of the traveler, who says, Anywhere but here.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This wonderful quote I got from a new blog I just read, 37 Days by Patti Digh who reminded me of my most favorite teacher, Ms. Wasilewski. The quote reminded me of my frustration of not traveling. When I was in college, I dreamed of traveling the world. Impossible! How can someone like me, who doesn't even have enough for her allowance possibly travel the world? I remember buying a cork board and a world map and a bunch of push pins. I was a junior in university. I was ready to start marking the countries I visit. I fell asleep dreaming about the world map populated with so many push pins you can't even read the names of the places.

Fast forward to today. I don't have that world map now. The push pins remain untouched. If I have it right now, I would only have three measly push pins up.

Where did my dream of traveling the world go? It's still here. The yearning to see beautiful, strange sights is still inside me. The promise of adventure still makes my heart beat faster.

Then I remember, spending New Year's Eve on the rooftop of an apartment building in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. I was with friends, and I was filming the magnificent fireworks for my three-year-old daughter to view back in the Philippines. Then an ache swept over me and I felt myself wishing that my husband and my daughter could see this spectacle with me. That same ache haunted me while I was marveling at a New York City brownstone, watching the Shamu Believe show at SeaWorld in San Diego. That's when I realized that I cannot travel, I will not travel if I have to leave my family behind.

Now, I spend my days lamenting how tied down I am in this dusty place with no way out. Tuition fees to think of, bills to pay. How can I even dream of traveling?

The only time I travel now is on a motorcycle with my husband driving. Last week, I was on the motorcycle with my husband and my two kids. We went on a joy ride. Then my youngest screamed "Jo-beee!" when she saw a Jollibee poster on the road, so of course, we had to stop for a snack in Jollibee, a fast food restaurant known for its mascot of a fat bee that children adored the way devout Catholics adored their saints.

I was waiting in line, quietly chuckling as I watched my husband struggle to keep hold of a wriggling one-year-old who was joyously cavorting with her eight-year-old sister. Then I realized, this is what truly makes me happy.

That's when I realized, I don't have to board a plane to be happy. I have happiness right here.

Stop Being Like Dead Fish. Find Your Dream and Live It!

2010-05-04T11:06:00.001+08:00

It's your duty to use what influence you have, unless you want to drift though life like a fish belly-up on the stream.
-Memoirs of a Geisha

I was jolted by this quote I read for the first time seven years ago because the image was so vivid. I don't want to see myself as a fish floating belly-up on the stream. Yet, that's what I've done for most of my life, received whatever it is that life threw at me. I just went with the flow like a dead fish.

I lived my life like everyone else did. I didn't even question why I wanted a job, a house, a family.Isn't it what everybody does? Study, find a good job that pays well, never mind if you keep glancing at the clock wishing you were somewhere else. It pays the bills, right?

I'm not complaining about family. If there's one thing I think I did right, it's being with my husband and having these two beautiful kids. It's the accouterments that go with having a family. I didn't even question why my ultimate dream is to have my own house and a car. It's what everybody dreams of; it's the measure of success in this part of the globe. Except here in the Philippines, it's not something that you can have easily and which gives you the reason to slave away at a job you don't like.

So I have to ask myself, what really matters? Am I spending my days doing what I love doing? Like if I have a week left, do I go out of this world knowing I have no regrets?

The secret to living a meaningful life is to spend it on things that really matter to you.

I know that's the first step, but figuring out what really matters could be tough. I wish I could do it on a mountaintop near the sea, with the waves crashing down on the rocks below. For now, my imagination should suffice.

If I have a week to live my life, how am I going to live it? Better yet, why don't I find my dream and live it? It's better than going about life, floating belly-up like dead fish.

Third World Minimalism

2010-04-22T15:53:00.003+08:00

You've probably read in my review of Leo Babauta's The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life how offended I was when Leo used the term "Third World." The good thing about me is that I always try to see the other side of the coin.

Since I've been gobbling up minimalist blogs, I've come to the conclusion that Leo used the term "Third World" because it is a term that's familiar to his "First World" readers. Besides, I think the term "developing countries" is even more offensive because it communicates that our country is incomplete.

I've also realized that "First World" minimalists often take it for granted that people from the "Third World" live an effortless minimalist life because we have no choice but to live simply. They are wrong.

In fact, now that I think of it life in the Third World sets us up to a lifestyle that's anti-minimalist. Because we live with less, we feel that we have to have more to be happy. We work hard because we try to compensate for what we lack.

We amass properties so that we can feel complete. Don't you feel satisfied if you have your own house, your own car? If we don't compare ourselves with others, we compare ourselves to our lives before we had the money.

Our dream is to go anywhere in the world far away from the Philippines. Never mind that we work in a job that we hate. Never mind that we don't get to see our kids grow up. When we go home, we could flaunt to others how our lives are better than the ones who chose to stay home or who don't have the resources to go abroad.

The ones who stay in the Philippines hate the humid days and dream of snow. We toil and we dream and we get frustrated because our dreams often feel out of reach. But is it really out of reach or are we limiting ourselves? Are we allowing our needs to distract us from our dreams?

The distractions in our lives may be less frivolous, but they are distractions nevertheless. While First Worlders get distracted with how much stuff they own, we get distracted by how little of it we have.

Minimalism is about living with less, so that we can experience life. Why is it that we have less but we still don't live the life we want?

What is minimalism like in the Third World, I wonder? Let's find out together.

Opportunity Knocks ... TWICE!

2010-04-08T14:47:00.000+08:00

How easily I am shaken! I've made a commitment to simplify my life, to be content, and to focus on what is important to me: my family, reading, writing. (I can't still decide on which to focus on a fourth one, should it be photography or digiscrapping? I suck at both.)

Then three days ago, a dear person from one of the jobs I've had came to visit me and told me that I can have my old job back, IF I wanted it. If this is not enough temptation for me, another person from another career wrote to me asking me if I can do some part-time work for him. Opportunity knocks twice, I guess. Okay, it's one and a half.

Then I chanced to talk to two of my teammates from an older job and learned how their careers were flourishing and envy came in waves. I was the leader and here I am working freelance and making it my goal to exercise an hour a day and to muster enough patience for my kids who clamor for my attention 24/7.

How easily I was tempted to give up this simple life to go back to my career. How easily I forgot how stressed out I was when I was in those two jobs. I've read my journals through one of the jobs and I was so in love with it. But that's because I was all alone, with no family to mind at all. So I was able to focus on my job. Then when I came home and started a fledgling company, I only had enough energy to say good night to my kid and sleep. I also had to be away from the eldest daughter and I remember how much I missed her. So why do I want to go back? Because everyone else has a career to speak of and right now, I have none. It's very hard to explain what I do right now to other people; my parents most especially because they're my number one fans. They feel I can do anything and they can't understand why such an achiever of a daughter is settling for a job "online" they couldn't understand.

Although my present job rakes in a third of what I used to earn in my old job, it significantly brings in better pay from my other older job without the commute. Plus I only do it for half a day. I am free to just read blogs until my eyes glaze over or watch Mulan three times with my youngest. So why do I still want my old careers? Just because others have one. That's it.

So before I'm tempted, I recite my top 3: Family. Reading.Writing. Life is simpler when I focus on these three and the careers that came to entice me have no place in my life right now.

Family+Reading+Writing...

Family+Reading+Writing...

Focus... Focus...

Win a Free Boracay Vacation

2010-04-02T09:34:00.001+08:00

I've been joining contests left and right. For the left, I joined Unclutterer's giveaway for a Fujitsu scanner and now for the right, I'm entering this Boracay giveaway from WOW Philippines. Thanks to, sis Golden, who blogged about it. I've been rather blue lately because part of my "keeping things simple" means that I don't have extra cash for such things as travel. So this will help me keep my spirits up and hope against hope that I will win.
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Win a Free Boracay Vacation Package by WOW Philippines Travel Agency

WOW Philippines Travel Agency, Inc. is celebrating it's 5th year in business during July of 2010, and we would like you to have a chance to celebrate with us, so we have decided to give-away a FREE Boracay Package complete with 5 Star accommodations at the luxurious Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel on Boracay Island. The lucky winner will win the following Boracay vacation package.

Vacation Package Inclusions:
- 5 Days / 4 Nights Luxury 5 Star Accommodations at the Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel
- Flights to Boracay from Manila to Caticlan Airport on Philippine Airlines
- Island Transfers - Door-to-Door from Manila to the resort and back to Manila
- Three (3) Meals each day, Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner
- Boracay Activities - Horseback Riding, Island Hopping, Glass Bottom Boat
- PLUS - 5,000 peso Spending Cash

Read More Information: http://www.boracay-packages.com

Minimalist Mondays: Leo Babauta's The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life Book Review

2010-03-30T10:07:00.000+08:00

My minimalist journey started with reading Leo Babauta's Zen Habits and Mnmalist blogs. I bought his book "The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life" right after the Haitian earthquake. As I've promised, this is a review of Leo Babauta's ebook.

The book starts with a rather sheepish apology about it being 104 pages, but Leo explains that he wants his readers to get more than they paid for. So did I get what I paid for?

In a sense, yes. Let me tell you first that whatever you find in this guide is found elsewhere in Leo Babauta's blogs. I have read enough of his two blogs to know that he was right in warning other people about his ideas not being new.

So is this ebook worth your money? If you value your time, yes. This ebook is worth its price tag. It definitely saves you a lot of time than when you set out finding the same information in Leo's blogs. Just look at the archives and you'll see what I mean.

What I like about this book is that it is laid out nicely so that you can set out to begin your clutter-and-distraction-free life. Leo does a great job explaining what a minimalist life is like. The first five chapters were inspiring and by the end of those chapters, you'd be sold to the idea of a minimalist life.

After that are practical tips on how to free yourself from "stuff" that crowd your life. From a minimalist computer to minimalist travel, Leo has just about answered everything about what minimalist living is like... for a male.

Leo, being male, does not understand female clutter or female grooming. To be fair to him, he knows he does not understand females and our beauty routines. But seriously, shaving your head is not exactly reading fare for females. So, women, brace yourselves for the wardrobe and grooming part.

This is my only disappointment plus the fact that he flippantly referred to developing countries as "Third World" in his ebook. I am very sensitive about this issue. but I thought, everyone should be educated enough to know that this term is degrading and at most, racist. In fact, that term disappointed me so much that this review was late for two weeks. I was mulling over whether to write about it at all.

But over-all and despite being offended about the "Third World" term, this is a must for someone who is trying out the minimalist life for the first time. Leo offers very practical advice for a minimalist life that can be put to good use immediately.

This is the strength of this ebook and of Leo's writing. So if you'd like to check out the book, click here to view more details.

Why Do You Work Out?

2010-03-16T14:23:00.000+08:00

I guess I didn't tell you before that I used to teach Women Studies at university. This course is one of my favorites and the one closest to my heart, even closer than teaching literature. I was reading an article on the politics behind disordered eating and at first, I rejected the idea and felt offended. It never left my mind, though and I kept thinking about it.

Basically, the article said that women are conditioned to think that their appearances will determine how other people treat them. Through our upbringing and mass media, we are taught to treat our bodies as social currency. In my case, I have always thought that to be respected, I always have to look my best. That's the thinking that I grew up with. I have a grandmother who told me that if I get married, I should ALWAYS, ALWAYS look my best or else I'll give my husband an excuse to fool around. Alright, I know how superficial that advice was, but throughout my life, I've seen the reality about how important image is and the rewards you get by looking good. I have also seen how my self-esteem is related to how I perceived my appearance.

Now I know how dangerous this thinking becomes especially if you hold yourself to an unattainable ideal. Look around you and you will see that mass media holds us up to a body size that represents 5% of the female population, leaving the remaining 95% frustrated with their bodies. Some resort to disordered eating practices or countless hours in the gym. The author says it's the "politics of distraction" at work. Instead of focusing on our own education or skills, we focus on maintaining our weight or looking good.

The first time I read this article, I was offended. How can working out and dieting or spending time looking good be a "gendered form of social control"? I am educated; I have the skills. But it's true that I have to set aside about two hours of my time to working out, which could be spent learning photography or blogging.

I must confess that I bought the 30-Day Shred because I wanted to look good, not to become healthier or stronger. I wanted to lose weight because I thought I was flabby. When I tried calculating my BMI in this BMI calculator, I realized that I don't need to because I was the normal weight. How easily it was to fall prey to what the fitness and beauty industry wants me to believe.

It was true that I derived some part of my self-esteem to how good I looked. Whenever I start gaining weight, I felt lazy, out of control, and ugly. I rarely take a photo of myself because I don't look as good as the ones I see in magazines, although I get a lot of compliments that I am pretty. The funny thing is, I enjoyed looking good, too. I loved purchasing beauty products, clothes, and shoes. I enjoyed being a girl. I thought being preoccupied with my appearance is a "girl" thing. What I didn't realize is that we were trained to think that it is normal. What's more, the beauty industry is cashing in on our insecurities. By holding us up to a standard of beauty that is out of reach and doling out products that supposedly would help us reach that ideal, capitalistic forces can hold us by the neck.

I might be stepping on a lot of toes here, but I did not write this to judge anyone who is reading this. I only wrote about what I've realized about myself and I don't want to forget. I have to keep myself in check and to learn to see way past my appearances for me to feel good about myself. I have to teach myself once again to feel good because of what I do and not what I look like. This is important especially since I have two daughters whom I want to set a good example.

I am still continuing my 30-Day Shred, by the way, but I'm doing it now for different reasons. I feel stronger now. I can carry a wiggling child up the stairs without feeling like my body's giving way. I came from the grocery store and carried the groceries effortlessly. I love how my body feels like a well-oiled machine now. I'm just not doing it for me to look good.

I found this on Youtube, by the way. This ad wasn't shown in the Philippines, I think. Let me know if they did. But another eye opener for me not to believe what I see in mass media:

*Update: Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred kind of battered my wrists, so if you decide to do this workout, take care of your wrists. I'm thinking of getting a wrist guard because for two days, my wrists were really painful.

P.S. If you want a copy of the article, let me know and I can email it to you.

Day 2 of Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred

2010-03-10T12:04:00.000+08:00

I've decided that I'll try to update you on my progress as I go through the 30-Day Shred by Jillian Michaels. I need this for accountability or otherwise, I'll just quit on it. Day 2 is more difficult because my body is aching all over. My thighs and arms are sore, but it's a good kind of pain, like you're pleased that that 20-minute workout is working.

I suspect that I'm pushing it by starting on 5-pound weights. Towards the end of reps, I was ready to throw those weights at the TV if only I had the strength to throw. But I'm determined to see this through if it kills me. So, you have to cheer me on, okay?

I think I need a spotter or a good full-length mirror with this workout because I'm not sure whether or not I'm doing the moves right, especially the last part where you have to do side crunches with bicycle legs.

I might as well record what I weigh here: 51 kg. Let's see how much weight I shred after 30 days?
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Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred Level 1 Review

2010-03-09T10:34:00.000+08:00

Hello, everyone! I've been remiss with my blogging duties, but my youngest daughter just came from a bout of measles/german measles and had been very cranky. I didn't have time to handle my work, a rash-covered child, and blogging at the same time. Hopefully, I'll have more time this week.

I've always been on a lookout for a good workout video and looking for ways to cut back on the time it takes for me to exercise. I found Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred which only lasts for 20 minutes. I tried it today and boy, she does makes good use of those 20 minutes.

For someone who loves dance exercise, the 30-Day Shred is a huge change for me. Frankly, Jillian Michaels scared me a little with her deep voice and tough demeanor. No perfect teeth, styled hair, or high-pitched voice to urge me through the routine here.

The 30-Day Shred Level 1 routine consists of a combination of cardio and strength training split in intervals: 3 minutes cardio, 2 minutes strength, and 1 minute crunches. I've started with 5-pound weights because those are the only available weights in the house. You might want to start with 3 pounds or less because 5 pounds is pure torture. Fortunately, Jillian has two girls who demonstrate low- and high-impact versions of her workout.

Since I've been exercising for a month, I thought I could do the high impact, but some of the strength segments are tough. I switch from high to low-impact throughout the workout. I'm still concentrating on perfecting my form, since I don't want to injure myself.

So, did I like the 30-Day Shred workout?

Absolutely! After the workout, my clothes are soaked with sweat, the same way I sweat when I'm done with dance workouts for an hour. So I guess, I'm sticking with the 30-Day Shred and see whether it delivers what it promises. I'll update you.

Minimalist Mondays: Decluttering Sentimental Stuff

2010-02-15T13:00:00.004+08:00

My one-hour uncluttering sessions has shown me what a pack rat I am, thanks to genetics. My mom is a hoarder, too. If our tiny house were a cardboard box, it will be bulging on the sides, ready to break any minute. I didn't want to live like that.

Judging from the stuff I own, I'm closer to living like my mom. I just don't notice it because we have more space. It's hard to let go of stuff you don't need especially if you've spent a lot of money for them. Getting rid of sentimental stuff such as old letters and knickknacks is next to impossible.

Then I asked myself, why do we keep old letters or sentimental stuff? Based on my research, two main reasons emerge.

Sentimental stuff helps us remember. Our memories are faulty and at most, embellished. So we keep sentimental stuff to aid us in remembering important events in our lives. There is scientific basis on why nostalgia makes us happy. In our memories, we seem larger than life. We remember ourselves as cooler or braver than we actually were at that exact moment so we hold on to those memories.

Sentimental stuff reminds us that our lives have meaning. When we read old letters from people telling us how much we have touched their lives, we are persuaded that our lives are valuable. The gifts we've received tells us that at one time, we were special to someone. Sentimental stuff is a reminder that our lives matter.

While the occasional reminiscing sessions are good for us, there are dangers in overindulging in nostalgia.For one, we could get so caught up in our memories that we fail to live in the present. Past successes can stifle us with fear that we might never duplicate our awesomeness. Thinking too much about the past can also prevent us from embracing new experiences or forming new relationships.

That is why it is essential for us to manage our sentimental clutter. We can keep SOME sentimental stuff, but not ALL of them. But how do we decide which ones to keep and which ones to ditch?

Here are a few rules that I've come up from uncluttering my old sentimental stuff:

1. Old letters

Keep Pile:
a. Letters from my immediate family and extended family I am fond of. - I am at that point in my life when I've realized that you're stuck with your family whether or not you want to. You might have great friends, but in the end, when the going gets tough, it's really your family you go back to. That's why I kept each letter from my immediate family.
b. Letters from old friends that I am still in touch with.
c. Letters from old friends that struck a chord or reminded me of who I was before.

Destroy Pile:
a. Letters from friends turned enemies (echoes of evil laughter in the background) It's so freeing to finally destroy these. I've read them once and vowed that I will only choose friends that have a positive influence in my life.
b. Random notes from people I barely remember
c. Love letters from past loves. Mind you, some of them were very eloquent, but I figured, what's the use of keeping them? I already decided to love one person as my husband, so what's the use of reliving these moments? Is it to brag that you were attractive once upon a time? I don't have any use for them anymore, so ditch them I did. (After my husband read some of them and taunted me goodnaturedly about them.)

2. Sentimental Knickknacks:

I decided to designated a certain box for my sentimental knickknacks. I am only keeping a shoebox for my "single" days, so I have to be selective with what I am keeping. Anything that does not fit that shoebox will have to go.

To make letting go easier, I've decided to keep a snapshot of the things I am getting rid of to remember them by. I am planning to keep a scrapbook page and journaling about them to preserve the good memories.

3. Journals:

This is by far the hardest to part with because when I was in college, I was insane enough to burn all my journals that I have kept since my high school freshman year. All 15 notebooks.I don't want to explain why I did this, but I've regretted doing this. I have very few memories of high school and I would have loved to know what I thought then and how far I've gone.

Since I've regretted burning my journals, I am hesitant to part with the ones I have now. After leafing through them, I am loathe that someone else will read them. They are all the products of an indecisive, depressed, and confused person, someone I once was, but am not anymore. So what do I do with them?

There's this advice from Unclutterer.com that talks about old journals:

If you wrote them for therapeutic reasons, as a way to work through problems in your life, then go ahead and burn them.
If you wrote them as messages to your future self, then keep them.
If you wrote them as a record that you were alive in that moment, then keep them.
If you wrote them to vent your frustrations, then burn them.

It sounds like good advice, but I don't want to do this in haste. As of now, I am veering towards the following:

Keep Pile:

1. Good memories of important events in my life
2. Bad memories that taught me something about life- I think I'm going to put my present perspective. Thinking of doing a scrapbook of this, but I'm not sure yet.

Destroy Pile:
1. Negative memories that still make me feel bad when I read it. These memories hold me back and
2. Embarrassing thoughts and experiences that I have written down that I don't want anyone to know.

But I'm still undecided because there's something about censoring my memories that still makes me uncomfortable, perhaps because of my journalism training. I don't want a glossed-over past, but I don't want to be dragged down by negativity either. (Update: I chose one of the journals about an episode in my life that still causes me pain. I tore each page one by one over a cup of coffee. How liberating it was. So there's some good advice about journals. I'm keeping my journal documenting my experiences in Japan for my daughters.)

How about you? Do you keep sentimental clutter? What do you do to manage them?

I'm a Doll, Too!

2010-02-09T11:46:00.002+08:00

I'd like to thank Krissy for religiously giving me an award and here's what I got! Don't you just love them? They remind me of the beehive ladies from Baltimore and I just love weird hats. I'm going to post the rules.

The rules are:

1. Remember to link back to the person who awarded you!

2. Select 5 more bloggers that you think are dolls and link them at the bottom.

3. Tell about a character from a book/ movie/ drama that you like most.

4. Post the picture and title on your blog permanently if you like.

I also found this the perfect time to explain about why I have Haruno Sakura of the anime Naruto and Naruto Shippuuden as my avatar. She's the first person that I thought of when Krissy gave me this award.

I watch Naruto with my husband and to tell you the truth, my most favorite character here is Sasuke. Sakura used to irritate me so much because all she does is cry and she's completely useless in the series. She's the Japanese anime version of Bea Alonzo or Judy Ann Santos in early Pinoy soap operas. Frankly, she irritates me so because she reminds me of me, the crybaby.

But when we watched Naruto Shippuuden, I was completely blown over by the change in Sakura and her abilities. I only watched her during the battle with Sasori. Gone was the crybaby Sakura. Instead she was replaced by this completely bad-ass person who uses her strength to protect her loved ones. None of my descriptions could suffice so I'm going to provide you with a Youtube video of this battle:

Now, isn't she amazing or what?

My only complaint is that Sakura in Naruto Shippuuden is uglier. Can't the animators have made her more feminine? It wouldn't hurt if she remained prettier. So I found this picture that is the better version of Sakura.

The Sakura vs Sasori battle was the last episode of Naruto Shippuuden I watched. Which reminds me that I have to start watching it again. We stopped for a while because no matter how much I love this anime series, it does tend to be a little slow. All those wasted minutes just looking at two characters staring at each other and trading insults can get a little boring. To anyone who's reading this who knows what will happen to Sakura, please no spoilers.

So I'm passing on this Doll Award to Joybeth, Tiara, Golden, Tara, and Mariel.

Introducing Minimalist Mondays

2010-02-08T13:16:00.003+08:00

"Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you." -Lao Tzu

Lately, I've been attracted and terrified with the concept of minimalist living. Terrified because I'm the complete opposite of a minimalist. Attracted because I find in it the peace that I've been craving.

You see, I want my life to be grand and beautiful. Now there's nothing wrong with this goal. In fact, I think all of us have this goal in one form or another.

However, in my pursuit of the "grand and beautiful life," all I've ever felt was discontentment. I am always looking out for the next best thing. If I've got it good now, I want to have it better.

It's an endless pursuit and I am out of breath. I am burnt out.

So I decided to stop and think about the "grand and beautiful." Having a grand and beautiful life takes work. It's work that burns me out; work that eliminates time with what really matters to me, my family.

Minimalism gives you that. Minimalism tells you that you are enough and when you feel that you have enough, then you're left to focus on the essential. It that's what minimalism promises, then I'm ready to give it a try.

So in the spirit of Krissy's Make Me Smile Mondays and Tara's Things I Love Thursdays, I'm going to start Minimalist Mondays. It's a chronicle of what I'm going to learn about minimalism and whether or not it's what's right for me.

This is the guide that I'm using right now:

Click here to view more details

Leo Babauta of Zen Habits announced that all his e-book sales for the next 31 days starting two weeks ago will directly go to Doctors Without Borders who will be going to Haiti for medical missions. I instantly bought the book. (It costs $9.95, by the way) Let me tell you that I usually don't buy books on the fly. That could get expensive. I only buy books that I've read and loved. So this is a step up for me. I thought, if I hated the book, at least I know that the $9.95 I spent went to doctors who are helping Haitians. I'll do a review of this book next Minimalist Monday.

The Easiest Way to Accomplishing Your Goal: How I Formed the Morning Exercise Habit

2010-02-07T13:47:00.000+08:00

I started January with so many goals that I was frozen into inactivity by the sheer magnitude of them. I also slacked off on my work because I felt so discouraged that I didn't even accomplish a single goal from my list. Pathetic, right? I felt so hypocritical going all Amadeus-y first day of January and not even fulfilling one goal. So instead of being all ambitious, I decided to stop the downhill slide and start small.

Focus on only one goal

Because I was overwhelmed with my goals, I focused on a single goal: to become healthier and more fit. Since I have gained weight over the holidays and I didn't grow any taller, I'm the little teapot personified. I resolved to form a morning exercise habit. To be more specific, I have to exercise for an hour everyday. I don't want to feel listless day in and day out and it doesn't help that my kids like to poke me and gleefully shout, "Mommy, your tummy feels like jelly!" Besides, I feel more motivated when I feel beautiful and so if I can ace this, I feel that the rest of my other goals will be easier to fulfill.

Form a Trigger

A trigger is what you do right before you do a certain habit. You have to connect a habit to a particular trigger. This means doing your habit at the same time everyday. For my morning exercise habit, my trigger is to place an exercise DVD into the player at exactly 9:00 A.M. In fact, I tricked myself into the exercising habit by saying that the only habit I'm going to form is to place the exercise DVD to the player. I did this religiously for thirty days. Now, at exactly 9:00 A.M., music from the exercise video starts to play in my head. It is relentless and quite annoying, so I have to exercise. I have successfully formed a habit! Yay!

Reward Yourself

Thirty days of doing something religiously can be tiring. Believe me, it's easy to slack off and break the thirty-day streak. Since the habit to exercise is not really that fun (unless you're a masochist and derive pleasure from burning muscles), I decided to reward myself right after sweating and toiling. I allowed myself to watch one episode of my favorite series or an hour of reading a book after I did crunches and other unpleasant things the exercise lady forced me to do. So the thought of watching an episode of Glee or Ugly Betty right after exercising kept me going for thirty days. What's great about this is you'll notice that after you have formed the habit, you don't even need the reward at all.

Now I wish I could tell you that I formed washboard abs after those 30 days, but sadly I did not. But I am more energetic every day and I don't have to huff and puff whenever I climb the stairs. I have also noticed that I became more cheerful perhaps from being able to wear my fitted shirts once again.

So now that I have my exercise habit down pat, I'm moving on to another habit which is to declutter for an hour a day.

How about you? What kind of habit do you want to form? What's keeping you from meeting your goals?

The Best Time to Think about Retirement is when You're Young and Beautiful

2010-02-06T12:55:00.001+08:00

The Sun Life Planner that Tara gave me (I didn't technically win it. In my excitement to win, I kept checking everyday when she'll announce the contest winners and when I couldn't wait any longer, I asked her and reminded her about it. So, because of my obsession, Tara gave me one!) came yesterday! Yay! Here are the pictures of this gorgeous planner:

What's cool about this planner is it has a goal for the month and a kind of blog post thingy every end of the month which forces me to record my thoughts at the end of the month. It also has images from budding photographers that showcase Filipino culture like this one:

This is my favorite photograph because I love old people, all those stories they can tell you and the wisdom that they have from experience. This photo got me to thinking about retirement.

When you're young and beautiful, the last thing that you'd like to think about is that time when you lose all your beauty and have wrinkles. Coming from someone who's thirty with a husband and two young children and with teeny laugh lines (nay, not crow's feet) on the corners of her eyes, I personally think that the best time to prepare for retirement is when you're young and beautiful and I'll give you two good reasons why:

1. You're not saddled with kids yet. Kids, no matter how cute, can get very expensive and like any doting mom, you'd want to have the best for your child. So, it's going to be harder to squirrel away some cold hard cash for your retirement when you're totally lusting for the whole set of Lemony Snicket hardbound books for your child. When you're young and beautiful, you'll have more money for yourself and one of the best ways to pay yourself is to put something away for retirement.

2. You can harness the power of compound interest. Now, I'm not going to be all mathematical here. (Remember me getting all Luna Lovegood-ey when it comes to calculations?) If you want real numbers, Get Rich Slowly explains it well here. Of course, you have to factor in the inflation rate and the taxes if you're going to keep it in a savings account. But the essential thing here is that time is your friend when it comes to saving for retirement. You'll still have more money if you start saving for retirement at 23 than at 30.

I know that it's hard to save up for your retirement when there are so many beautiful baubles and gadgets to tempt you along the way. You might even think that you deserve them because you're working so hard but it only takes a little imagination to see yourself old and hopefully still beautiful, but penniless. Will you depend on your children during that time when they also have their own family to support? Would you want them to resent you secretly for not being financially responsible enough to save for your retirement?

Imagine these two scenarios:

You're already 65 years old. You might be matronly but thanks to all the age-defying products you've used, you're still beautiful. Imagine that you already have grand kids and you can spoil them rotten because you have your own funds. You can read all the books that you want because you have all the time in the world. You can travel (although, I sincerely believe that travel is for the young); you can enroll in a dance class to keep yourself fit. The world is your oyster because you have saved for your retirement.

Contrast that to a 65-year-old matron who has to take care of her grand kids because she's living with one of her kids. When you're feeling the pain of arthritis, you have to ask your adult daughter/son for medicine. The money that's supposed to go to your grand kid's formula goes to your arthritis medicine. The money that's supposed to fund your kid's MBA is funneled to your medical bills...

For the life of me, why would you choose the second scenario when you have the power to prevent this from happening at 22? So start saving at least 10% of your monthly income. Start saving something and start saving NOW. Don't be old, still beautiful, and penniless. Be old, still beautiful, and financially independent.

Do you have a retirement fund? What's keeping you from starting one?

I Thought I Love the Color Pink...

2010-01-26T21:33:00.097+08:00

My dear Krissy tagged me and asked me to take pictures of 7 pink things in my home. Although I'm awful with these blog tags, I think I owe it to dear Krissy to at least find seven pink stuff in my home. After searching my home though, I only came up with a measly three. I thought I loved the color pink but aside from my underwear, I can't really find anything else. I'd rather die than display my underwear in this blog, so I'm posting my three pink stuff.

This jewelry box from my sister. I absolutely love this box because it's pink. I don't use it as a personal jewelry box, but it has seen thousands of pesos worth of silver jewelry. When I had a silver jewelry business about five years ago, I used this to carry around those accessories. It's wrapped in black velvet inside. I felt like Paris Hilton in one of her "A Simple Life" assignment. Lol! I may be selling stuff, but I did it with style. Based from my scribbles, I had a very lucrative business. People would get silver jewelry from me without any down payment and every pay day, I would make the rounds and they'd pay for them in installments. Everyone settled their accounts and I've never experienced anything negative from that business venture which bolsters in my belief about humanity, in general. Some people do keep their word. Today, this jewelry box is now the repository of my daughter's marbles and other what-nots. It's hers now so technically, this is not even mine anymore.

I got this pretty Nine West purse from an office exchange gift. An author of the most romantic Tagalog romance novels gave it to me so it's extra special. I wanted a pink purse because I had a bag with a black interior. My purse then was black and I had a difficult time finding it. So I loudly hinted that I wanted a purse that is any color other than black for Christmas. Of course, I would be absolutely thrilled if that other color was pink. And I got my wish. It pays to be very specific when Christmas time comes. I always tell everyone what I love to have for Christmas. (In exchange, I always ask my friends and family what they want for Christmas because it's such a hassle to go gift-hunting for something they might just store or re-gift) It may not be the classiest thing I can do, but at least, I get what I want, right?

This is my coin purse and I love, love, love this. In fact, I was so smitten by this Victoria's Secret purse that when my daughter asked for it, I refused. (She thinks that the gold heart is real gold.) I told her that she'll inherit it when she's older, but not now. I think she's too young to appreciate the immense "kikayness" of this little coin purse. It used to house miniature bottles of Victoria's Secret lotions and shampoos and smells like them still, but now, it's my little treasure chest of coins.

I don't have a single pink thing in my closet, would you believe? I attribute it to my skin tone. I'm warm-toned and any girl knows that jewel tones do not particularly flatter warm-toned gals like me. On the other hand, my husband has two pink shirts in his closet because I have a penchant for men who wear pink and still look masculine in it.

I'm not really sure how this tag works, but Joybeth, Tiara, and Tara of Chronicles of Vanity, I hope you'd oblige me and show us some orange stuff from your home.

Selling My Absolute Sandman Volume 1 by Neil Gaiman

2010-01-21T16:41:00.001+08:00

Because Neil Gaiman had the audacity to marry another girl, I am selling my Absolute Sandman Volume 1 for only P3,000.00 with Free Shipping! It's a way for me to cope with this sad, sad loss.

I'd like for this book to go to a wonderful owner who'd appreciate it, so if anyone is interested, please check out my Ebay listing . (The free shipping is only for the Philippines, though.)

Neil Gaiman, you broke my heart...

Okay, enough with the drama. I could now imagine my husband giving me dagger looks because he never quite understood my school-girl crush on Neil Gaiman, Pablo Neruda, and Conrado de Quiros.

Who the Hell is Amanda Palmer and Why Is She Marrying My Neil Gaiman?

2010-01-17T03:00:00.000+08:00

Okay. I was just in Neil Gaiman's blog and saw that he's getting married to Amanda Palmer. Heart broken... pieces everywhere.

Then I went on an Amanda-Palmer stalking spree and I found her blog and I think she's cool. So I've forgiven her.

Besides, it's not like I'm waiting around pining for Neil Gaiman. Plus, they love each other. So there.

Suze Orman's "Women and Money": The Book That Started It All

2010-01-08T09:10:00.003+08:00

I first started reading Suze Orman's "Women and Money" from Rochelle, the force behind Pinay and Money. Since at that time, I was making more money that I have ever had in my life, I was interested in anything that will make it grow even more. So I grabbed a copy and started reading.

Let me tell you that "Women and Money" was the second book that I read about personal finance. The first one was Kawasaki's "Rich Dad, Poor Dad." I liked "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" until it got to the part about real estate. Then I dropped it. Suze Orman's simple style makes you feel that you're with your financial expert friend, giving you no-nonsense advice about your money issues.

The only thing that barred me from reading personal finance books before was that I didn't understand the lingo. You know that feeling? When my husband launches on explaining anything technical such as changing the spark plug or what a spark plug is, I basically zone out and think pretty "pink-and-blue" thoughts. That's exactly what I do whenever I read personal finance books. Since I'm not that interested in money issues, there was no personal finance book that held my attention that long, except for Suze Orman's "Women and Money."

The title itself is catchy. It's like Rosalind Miles' "Women's History of the World." Since I'm always interested in anything gender-related, I gave "Women and Money" a try. From the very first page, it was a compelling read. You know that feeling? When you're in complete rapport with someone? I find myself nodding at what Suze Orman is saying. Although there were several sections in this book that didn't apply to the Philippine setting, there were several practical advice that applies to the regular Filipina. Sometimes, the books goes all inspirational, such as in the chapter "The Eight Qualities of a Wealthy Woman" which made me guffaw. I always get this way when reading inspirational literature. It also has entire chapters that dealt with US-based readers such as the 401(k), etc. But most of all, it left me with several ideas that stayed with me, such as:

Learning What An Emergency Fund Is. Considering that both of my kids were unplanned, you could say that I've lived spontaneously. This goes without saying that I have not thought about emergencies, at all. So the concept of having an emergency fund which is technically a savings account containing eight months of living expenses (Orman's definition) is totally alien to me. I honestly didn't think about what my family will do if we got laid off, one of us drops dead, falls sick, or whatever.

Thinking About Money Does NOT Make You Evil. I've been raised thinking that money is not essential to your happiness, mainly because we didn't have much of it going around. So whenever money comes up, I get all saintly and horrified thinking that when you think about money, you are being greedy or materialistic and the thought of money making you happy is evil. Now that I'm married with two kids, I'm realizing more and more that money is essential to our happiness. The stress from not being able to make ends meet is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (you know who you are!) and I also noticed that my husband and I tend to fight more when resources are tight. That doesn't make us evil. Suze Orman opens your eyes to the TRUTH that it will take money to make you happy simply because it provides for your family's needs. For a woman, knowing that your family is secure is ultimate happiness. Suze Orman allows you to think about money, making more of it to make you secure and happy, and she helps you accept that fact without getting queasy.

It's Better to Save Up for Retirement than Your Children's College Fund. Yes, that's right. That doesn't make you a bad parent. The way Suze Orman laid it out was quite logical. It's better to prioritize your retirement than your children's educational fund. Sound selfish? Not the least because you are doing this for your children's benefit. You don't want to depend on them when you're already old and sickly. By that time, they'll have a family of their own to care for. You don't want to burden them with that. A college fund is optional because your children can always get scholarships or work to study, but you? Where will you get money for your living expenses when you're too old to work? And don't tell me that you're investing in your children so they can take care of you when you're old. A completely selfish thought.

So that's what I got from reading Suze Orman's book. This is the reason why I'm suddenly interested in making money and saving it, instead of just spending it.

How about you? Have you read this book? Can you suggest other personal finance book that didn't make your nose bleed?

Budget Pretty: The One When I Reveal That My Financial IQ is a Negative

2010-01-06T22:16:00.003+08:00

One of the best realizations that I had in 2009 is to learn how financially illiterate I was. To give you a picture of how clueless I was with personal finance, here is a list of my ignorance:

I don't know how much money I have in my wallet at any given time. Literally. You can steal from me and I wouldn't even notice.

Whenever I shop, I don't look at the price. I just pick what "moves" me aka what looks the prettiest.I'm just lucky that I didn't have to suffer through the embarrassment of returning items just because I didn't have enough cash.
After working for a year in the US, I rewarded myself with Neil Gaiman's Absolute Sandman Vol.1 that I rarely read because it was so bulky and a Nikon D80 that clocked in only 2,000 actuations before it broke down. Useless things that could have bought me a serviceable secondhand car that would have compelled me to drive so I wouldn't be completely useless in an emergency. (Although I must admit that I still get a delicious thrill whenever I hold Absolute Sandman and harbor secret dreams of being a professional photographer.)
While going through my mother's letters to me when I was in college, it was filled with all versions of "Please budget your money because we're not rich." And I didn't even remember that she wrote that in every letter she sent me.
I didn't know how credit cards worked.
While decluttering, I read this note from a friend in Japan that said, "Hey is Y2,000 enough to sustain you for a week? I don't want you to starve." Yep, folks! I was in a foreign country without any money that someone had to loan me her allowance.

I can list other stuff but you get the picture, right? Suffice it to say that my financial IQ is probably a negative. I thank my lucky stars that I didn't drive myself to financial ruin because of my ignorance.

I am no money expert. In fact, anything that has to do with numbers makes my eyes glaze over. I have difficulty doing mental math and I lunge at a calculator like a drowning victim grabbing to a lifesaver whenever I hear numbers . So what am I doing blogging about money? It's basically to show people that yes, even a person who can't mentally solve 3578+4569 still need to grudgingly but inevitably face money issues everyday.

And since I have difficulty grasping personal finance in plain words, I have to translate it in terms of something I understand, beauty. Because if I have to ace personal finance, I have to budget pretty (forgive the grammar) or fail. Care to join me?

Uncluttering Me

2010-01-05T12:05:00.003+08:00

I have an overactive brain. My days are spent thinking about what I want to do. When my brain goes on overdrive, I rarely sleep. I dream of grand plans for my future. In fact, I get so stressed out trying to think of a million things to do with my life that I never get to do anything. My husband is always the steadfast soundboard of the myriad of ideas that crowd my brain. Then he said, "Those are great ideas but you never get to do them." He has a point.

I have three huge white and gray boxes that are ready for uncluttering my room.But I haven't started yet. I have pending assignments to finish and I'm afraid to begin. I have seven years worth of memories to scrap and I only have two layouts to show for it. I have a million things to do, but I'm paralyzed because I don't know how to begin. Then I realized that I have to unclutter my mind first before I need to do anything else.

I am reading Leo Babauta's The Power of Less and he said that more focused energy is the most powerful. He has a point, too.

I have to learn to focus so that I can be productive. For now, this means getting my work done by 5:00 PM so I can concentrate on my family, my daughters especially. In the end when all's said and done, they're the ones who really matter.

We are Amadeus!

2010-01-01T11:05:00.004+08:00

Of all my Baltimore days, the ones I cherish the most were the long drives from Baltimore to New York City in a blue Prius with my mentor, Eleanor. What I thought were friendly conversations turned out to be mini-training sessions on leadership and preparing me for the responsibility she was about to give me after my Baltimore stint.

One day, we were talking about how she came to New York City in the seventies and how she became what she is now, financially independent that she can do whatever she wanted without worrying about whether or not she’s going to pay her bills, a consultant for various firms in educational publishing. She told me that what made her what she is right now is not really her brilliance (and believe me, she is the most brilliant person I have ever known ever) but because she was in the right place at the right time. Of course, you have to be prepared to step up when that time comes.

And it was in that aspect that we are the same. I have had so many wonderful opportunities in the past that came to me so effortlessly that I thought that I didn’t deserve them. Shouldn’t we strive for it with our blood and tears like so many other people often do to reach success? Mine came to me like gifts, wrapped in beautiful paper.

Then she said, “After all, we are Amadeus! Loved by God”

And I couldn’t say more. Yes, I am Amadeus, loved by God. Every opportunity comes to me not because I deserve them but because there’s this mysterious force that bestows them on me out of love. As I start the year 2010, I am giddy with anticipation. What paths will I blaze for this year. I am Amadeus and I hope this year will be an Amadeus year for you, too.

All I want for Christmas are... Strawberries!

2009-12-31T17:46:00.005+08:00

I love strawberries! In fact, the only reason why I even considered migrating to the United States was because of those big, fat, juicy strawberries I see in the supermarket. During my almost one-year stay in Baltimore, I literally gorged on these luscious fruits almost as big as my palm, either with chocolate fondue or whipped cream. If heaven is made of your favorite things, mine will be full of strawberries, full and ripe.

Back home here in the Philippines, I ached for strawberries of my Baltimore days. I longed for them like a lost friend. When I got pregnant with my second daughter, the cravings became more pronounced. I perpetually hounded my husband about strawberries, but alas, my pregnancy was ill-timed. I didn't crave for them until after the strawberry season and the ones that were available looked like emaciated children that I couldn't bring myself to eat them because I felt too sorry for them. (Pregnancy hormones really hit me hard during my second pregnancy.)

I don't believe in maternal impressions or lihi, but my daughter was born with a vascular birthmark or a salmon patch on her forehead. I have one too, which only appears when I am ecstatic or livid. I call it my mood birthmark. I attributed it to the unfulfilled strawberry cravings I've had.

And so, this Christmas, I was blessed with a family friend who bought strawberries for us in Baguio and they were large firm ones that I have no qualms in eating them. And so this Christmas was spent making chocolate fondue for the strawberries. My daughter and I had fun dipping the strawberries in chocolate and arranging them in a dish.

Although I was mourning for Santa Claus, I comforted myself with white wine and strawberries, watching reruns of Ugly Betty with my husband and brother-in-law. My eldest was sitting on my feet reading Lemony Snicket's "The Austere Academy," an early Christmas present from her Santa Mommy and Santa Daddy.

I hope all of you had a great time these holidays as we did. I'm also sharing with you one of my digital scrapbooking pages. I've been into this hobby for a few months and I'd like to share this hobby with you, my dear readers.

Digiscrap Credits: Berry Patch Kit by Kristin Cronin-Barrow of Sweetshoppe Designs.

Should Your Children Believe in Santa Claus?

2009-12-24T10:20:00.001+08:00

Yesterday, at age 7, my daughter learned that Santa Claus is not real. Her dad and I broke it to her as gently as we could. We were met with a blank stare and an unsure smile at first. Later, I tried to joke around with my kid and tell her about how I scoured SM for a snowy owl stuffed toy last year with her in tow. How I was able to have it wrapped twice so she wouldn't know it was for her and how fulfilling it was to see her eyes light up when she saw Hedwig in her stocking.

It was as much a painful time as it was for me, but my ever-leftbrained husband told me that we were doing her a disservice if we didn't reveal that the fat jolly old man who comes down the chimney (or in our case, through the back door) does not exist. What convinced me was the thought of having my daughter laughed at when she boasts of Santa giving her a set of Nancy Drew Notebooks just like she'd requested. At least, we were the ones who told her, unlike this article about how a teacher informed her students about how Santa Claus does not exist through a worksheet.

So now I'm torn about what to tell my second child. Should I still tell her about Santa Claus? Is letting your kid believe in Santa Claus deceiving her?

Last night I asked my daughter how she feels about Santa Claus not being real. She said it's okay and then whispered, "Can I still write to him even if I know he's not real?" My feelings of apprehension were somehow quieted.

How about you? Do you let your children believe in Santa?

I Love Beautiful Pens and Notebooks and Why You're Confused with My Blog

2009-12-15T08:59:00.001+08:00

I spend hours and hours in bookstores. And not only because of the beautiful books, but because of the beautiful pens and notebooks they offer. I can spend hours just wading through the number of pens available at National Bookstore, trying them out until I find a perfect pen that glides smoothly on paper. The same goes with notebooks. Forgive me, trees, but I love thick paper on notebooks. I absolutely drooled over the Notebooks available on Target, Barnes & Noble, and lately Fully Booked.

And that explains why I kept changing blog templates. You've heard about my agonizing about my blog's looks and finding bloggerized Wordpress themes, and I must have changed how my blog looks another dozen of times and I was wondering “What’s wrong with me?” I can’t seem to make up my mind. And then I tried going to Wordpress and starting a new blog there. And then I found this amazing blogger who has such a wonderful name, Penelope Trunk, who gave one of the soundest advice about blogging. So I decided to stick with this one.

Then I remembered those countless hours I would spend just finding a new journal or pen for writing and that’s exactly what I’m doing right now. And I think for now, I’ve found the right fit… Until I change my mind. *sly smile* So what? This is my blog after all and I OWN IT! (That feels so good.)

Found My Natural Conditioner!

2009-12-04T18:15:00.004+08:00

As you may have read in my blog, I am slowly trying to look for more natural products for myself and my whole family and I've found great organic soaps in Cyleina and the bee products from Ilog Maria. The Honey and Propolis Shampoo did not necessarily eliminate my dandruff completely and left my hair feeling weird and wiry. I wanted to use a conditioner, but I've found out that dandruff-causing fungus loves chemical conditioners. It usually worsens my condition. So I've tried to leave my hair at that, dry and feeling like a scouring pad. Then I found this lovely site by Darlene Del Mundo of By Nature Handmade Soaps.

I loved her site. So full of wonderful information about natural personal care products. I'm actually thinking of ordering some soaps from her. Then I read about her vinegar rinse solution to dry hair caused by natural products. And while I'd rather die than put vinegar on my hair (such a drama queen!), Ms. Darlene's statement about hair should be slightly acidic to be conditioned stayed with me. So that's why Ilog Maria recommends calamansi for hair conditioning!

So I put two and two together and decided to dilute calamansi juice in a dipper full of water and started using it as a final rinse. And you know what? It worked! My hair is softer now and I don't suffer as much itchiness as I used to with my dry scalp. I couldn't believe it worked! I now how my natural hair conditioner. Certainly beats the uncomfortable thought of using vinegar on my hair.

Ilog Maria Milk and Honey Soap

2009-11-25T09:49:00.001+08:00

As I've promised Golden, here's my review of the Ilog Maria Milk and Honey Soap. Originally, I wanted Matsing to try this, but when she got a whiff of its smell, she said she’d pass. She has allergic rhinitis and is often a good judge of what might trigger her sneezing fits. So I got to try it.

According to the Ilog Maria website, the Milk and Honey soap promises you “gentle moisture and a glowing complexion.” It has buffalo milk that has a low pH, and thus maintains your skin’s natural balance. I also noticed that it has that eucalyptus smell that I don’t recognize. In fact, the Ilog Maria products that I’ve ordered had the same smell in varying degrees. I don’t know if it’s the bee propolis, the honey, or the natural oils they include. I haven’t tried other bee products so I couldn’t compare. Nevertheless, from now on, this is what I’m going to call the “Ilog Maria scent.”

At first, I didn’t like this slightly medicinal smell on the Ilog Maria Milk and Honey soap. It reminded me of those times when you’re down with a cold and your mom rubs Vicks on you to soothe you. Come to think of it, that memory is not unpleasant, but I hate being sick (which is why I did not dream of becoming a doctor or a nurse. I hate sickness. I don’t like being around people who are sick. I’m exactly like Daniel Mead in Ugly Betty. The reason behind that is because I feel helpless when I’m around sick people. I want to make them feel better but obviously I can’t. That’s why don’t expect me to visit you in the hospital when you get sick. That doesn’t mean I do not care.)

Where was I? Yes, the Ilog Maria Milk and Honey soap. This has the same feel as Cetaphil, only with a slightly better lather. It’s not as sudsy as other soaps (I do enjoy bubbles). I attribute it to its claim of being mild.

What’s great about this is that after I’ve bathed, I felt this calm sense of well-being that you get after Vicks or any other liniment is applied on you. I felt so relaxed and ready to go to sleep and sleep soundly I did.

In terms of moisturizing, the Milk and Honey soap did not strip my skin of its natural moisture. In fact, I didn’t feel that my skin was drained dry of its oil as I often feel after sleeping in an air-conditioned room all night.

I tried this on Kulit, my one-year-old, and along with the Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream, her skin is well-moisturized and rash-free. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen an insect bite on her for a week now. Yay!

Another Rave about Cyleina Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream

2009-11-24T09:40:00.004+08:00

If you've been reading my blog, you probably know that I heart Cyleina Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream and now I must declare that I heart 1000x Cyleina Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream. You see, I've started applying this on my one-year-old's skin in the hopes of conquering her rashes and it worked!

You see, my daughter, Kulit, has really sensitive skin. She's had rashes since day one and I can never figure out the cause. I've tried all kinds of diapers and she can only use Prokids and Magic Dry. Good luck trying out the rest because if she wears anything other than diapers, she's toast (or sores).

Lately, I was at my wit's end because she's developing rashes even without eating chicken, wearing Prokids, and only after she has bathed. And of course, I couldn't bathe her in oil, right, like Elphaba in Wicked? I was tempted to bathe her in mineral water just to see if she was allergic to chlorine.Then, I noticed that she also develops rashes after she's been to an air-conditioned room. Could it be that she's allergic to the cold? I was ready to bring her to a pedia-allergologist and began sending out feelers in Girltalk to know about other women's experiences with them. You can check out the thread here.

Good thing, a Girltalk sister, sis leletmd, suggested that she might have cold urticaria. She explained it really well and she said, when you have cold urticaria, your skin tends to be dry and hence, itchy. So when you scratch your skin, you develop rashes. She suggested that I moisturize my baby's skin. So I did, and yay! My baby is rash-free since the day I applied Cyleina Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream! Of course, you might have the same results with other moisturizers but it makes me feel good knowing that our lotion is paraben-free, organic, and unscented. So now, part of my bonding time is applying the peruvian cacao on my daughter's skin and she loves it.

Vintage Beauty: Ilog Maria Products

2009-11-21T11:55:00.005+08:00

There's always something romantic about the past. While I love the convenience of modernity, there is always something about old things that I love, perhaps because history gives things and places a certain charm or aura that can never be exuded by new stuff. That's why I loved the buildings in New York and Baltimore. I can feel the energy of life lived for hundreds of years. That's why I dream of traveling to Egypt or London or Rome. Obviously America is a baby compared to these ancient civilizations. The same old-fashioned appeal I found in Ilog Maria products that I received yesterday.

I was researching about the wonders of bee propolis for a client and was convinced by the numerous studies that I have found telling about its healing properties. So I went over to their website and shopped. I chose four products because they were raved about in Girltalk: Honey Propolis Shampoo (P77), Propolis Ointment (P110), Milk and Honey Soap (P38.50), and Feminine Wash (P49.50). I like it that they have smaller versions of everything which encourages first-time users to try out their products without paying a hefty price.

They're website is very informational. It has everything you need right there although for someone who does not have all the time in the world, the process may be longer than usual. But I love that the site shows how they care for the environment which is a huge plus for me.

The order form arrived right after I ordered and for a moment I was scared my order did not push through because a failure to deliver notice arrived for the Ilog Maria address. Fortunately, there is another email account listed. It's from Joel Magsaysay who is the owner of Ilog Maria. It confirmed that they received my order and gave me a rather long list of different payment methods. I would have wanted to pay through my BPI account but heaven forbid, you cannot do a bank transfer without going to the branch and registering an account personally which totally defeats the purpose of online banking. So I opted for GCash.

These are the instructions for GCash which totally confused me because they gave a rather long 14-digit GCash SIM Number which of course did not get accepted. So I opted to input the second Globe number they provided. It worked! So I personally think they should revise these instructions:

You may pay by Globe GCash SMS straight to our Globe GCash SMS SIM without incurring extra bank charges.
Just enroll with Globe GCash by dialling 2882 Globe or Touch Mobile.
Then, load your GCash wallet at any Globe Center and accredited outlets.
Loading with GCash is now free of charge.
Send payment by SMS to 2**********4, this is our GCash SIM.
You may insert a 70 character sms message to your gcash payment message. Please include your full name in this SMS message, so we will know whom to ship to.
Globe GCash will send both of us a confirmation SMS that you have paid.
This number is for receiving GCash payments only. Please email info@ilolgmaria.com for all inquiries.
It is ok to have someone else pay for you, but please send a follow up text to our GCash number 0917******4 stating your name and reference number, so we can trace your payment and ship your package.

Hooray! I am still not comfortable with online shopping yet, but since the amount was not that much, even if I get scammed or something, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

They were prompt in their confirmation of receipt of payment and gave me another email explaining how they handle their shipments.

I made the payment last Monday and got the package yesterday. It could have been faster, but hey, I'm just happy I received my package.

The package smelled great! A mixture of spearmint and sampaguita that totally reminded me of my great grandmother, Lola Belen. The package was also surprisingly tiny, but it's not their fault that I totally have no clue how big a 45 gram soap is. So I used the products and here's my take on them:

1. Feminine Wash - I've always been a fan of the PH Care with cooling effect. And this was even better in that the cooling effect was not harsh at all. And it lasted longer than the PH Care one. I'm also glad that it has antifungal and antibacterial properties. It had a heady sampaguita scent which bothered me all yesterday until today because I couldn't put a name on the smell. Then I had a Eureka moment while bathing and yelled, "Ah Sampaguita!" It also filled our entire second floor with scent, which I was rather worried about because my husband's pretty particular with what he's smelling. Good thing he didn't complain about it this morning. I had to remove it from our bathroom, though, but the fragrance still smelled like sampaguita. I could scare someone with this.

Visitor: "Ano yun? Parang amoy bulaklak?" (What's that? Smells like flowers?")

Miss Guimba: "Ha? Talaga? Di ko naaamoy. Halla, baka si Nanay.... Nagpaparamdam (secretly chuckling) (I can't smell it. It might be my hubby's grandmother making her presence felt...) (enter eerie music)

2. Honey Propolis Shampoo - I have this recurring problem with dandruff. I am probably the "Promised Land" of all fungus. Fungus loves me. No matter how clean I am, I am an ideal environment for dandruff-causing fungus. It doesn't help that I have an obsession of getting myself stressed out. I've gone through all dandruff shampoos and dermatologist treatments and creams there is and I still get flaky once in a while. The only thing I didn't try is the local albularyo or quack doctor because I didn't want to get spit on. (I once watched my older sister get spit on by a local albularyo in a healing session and it wasn't very pretty.) The only thing that worked is the Dermovate Scalp Treatment which had steroids and I don't want to murder my whole family in a violent streak after taking steroids so I stopped. So there. Now, my scalp is still itchy and I can feel a whole colony of fungus springing up on my head again.

The Honey Propolis Shampoo had a milder scent than that of the Feminine Wash. It smelled like I would imagine delicately-powdered, tightly corseted Victorian women would smell. A definitely vintage-y smell. I've only used it twice and so far, no itches at all. The bottle had rather lengthy, quite helpful instructions and it said that I should use calamansi as a natural conditioner. I tried this before and it hurt like hell. I also shed about 531 hair strands in the process. There is no way I'm going to do that to myself again unless my husband cheats on me. Then I'm going to strap the effin' mistress on a chair and rub 100 calamansis on her hair. That should teach her a lesson.

3. Propolis Ointment - I purchased this for my little girls because their skin is very sensitive, especially my second daughter. Whenever an insect bites her (and do they love her like fungus loves me), her skin will swell up like a balloon. I used to give her Elica ointment for the insect bite marks, but I learned that it is also a corticosteroid so I'm looking for a more natural way to soothe insect bites. The Ilog Maria Propolis ointment was praised in Girltalk and so I decided to try it.

The Propolis ointment smelled and looked like the Chinese herbal ointments (or is it Indonesian?) called Betet which one of my writers gave me when I had migraine before. It smelled like efficascent oil. And I thought, Ah, so this is the Pinoy version of Betet. I was expecting something different. I have yet to observe its effectiveness, though, because Kulit is insect-free and rash-free for two whole days! Yay! A record. I'll let you know why and it has something to do with my wonder moisturizer, Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream.

On Social Media Maven Stuff and Addiction and Blogging

2009-11-10T10:15:00.003+08:00

I was dabbling with Wordpress and wished I had their clean layout and still keep the verstatility of Blogger. I can never find a Wordpress theme that I can actually install without having a host server. And I found this wonderful pink-striped Blogger template with the Wordpress look. Another answered prayer.

Something caught my eye over at Krissy's site, the 30-Day Blog Challenge and found an NYC-based writer, Mariel. I've been rather disgusted with myself for not continuing blogging and as usual, I have so many things I wanted to do that I don't really get around to doing. I've completely forgotten about a list because I don't get around to checking all of them. Bad! Bad!

This is exactly what my conversations with my sweetie hubby's like nowadays. I showed that blog post from The Bloggess and he couldn't stop laughing. I can't get Farmville and Cafe World and Pet Society off my mind. This is the reason why I don't play the Sims 3 no matter how awesome the graphics are. I have a tendency for addiction. I wish I can get addicted to blogging. Which brings me back to the 30-day Blog Challenge. Should I? Should I? Let me think about it first.

Happy About A Zit?:Testing Cyleina Organic Tomato Soap

2009-10-24T10:32:00.003+08:00

So I used the Olay Total Effect Moisturizer yesterday because I figured that I have to at least use all of it before I move on to other moisturizers and voila! I got myself a zit on my right cheek. It's painful, but I find it exciting because I can test the powers of the Cyleina Organic Tomato soap.

Now I know what my fellow Girltalkers have been talking about when they feel a slight sting when they apply the Cyleina Tomato soap. But you have to suffer for beauty right?

I use the Cyleina Tomato soap for my chicken skin. It did wonders in softening the rough spots along with my Cyleina Rice Bran soap and the Cyleina Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter cream. What I love about the Cyleina Tomato soap is its fresh, just-harvested-from-the-garden scent. I love the way it smells like lush tomatoes grown from a backyard. I hope it does wonders to my zit, too. We'll see.

According to the Cyleina brochure, the Cyleina Organic Tomato soap has extracts from organically grown tomatoes. The best substance it has is the antioxidant, lycopene, which combats free radicals in our body and thus, prevents skin ageing. It also claims that if will absorb excess oil, give gentle exfoliation, and has a "tonic" action that tightens pores. I've yet to see my skin develop a pink glow but I've somehow given up on it because my skin is warm-toned. But my brother-in-law's girlfriend developed a pinkish glow from using Cyleina Tomato soap and she told me that it worked wonders for her bacne, too.

The Cyleina Tomato soap has saponified organic vegetable oil, jojoba oil, sweet almond oil, and organic tomato extracts.

Be Fairer with Glutamaxxx Ultima and Cyleina Black Pearl Soap

2009-10-23T09:14:00.005+08:00

Lei Before Glutamaxxx Ultima + Cyleina Black Pearl

This is my sister, Lei. She's our youngest and I love her to bits. She's the real beauty addict in our family. She's a natural beauty fanatic. If you don't believe me, let's just say that at two years old, she's already choosing her hair accessories. I can still see her as before, slumped on a glass counter, her chubby fingers pointing to the hair accessories she wanted. She also asked my mother to buy her a complete set of powder, cologne, and shampoo from Avon's Disney collection.

Unfortunately, while all of her three older sisters were blessed with fair skin, she had a darker complexion. See the difference in the first picture? The one beside her is my other sister, Mei, who's fairest of us all. Hihi. I still feel that surge of anger whenever people tactlessly exclaim, "Ay, bakit maitim ang bunso? (Why is the youngest dark-skinned?)" whenever we're introduced. And for us Filipinos who are obsessed with fair skin, this was not a compliment. So she grew up with the thought that she's the darker sister hanging over her head.

When she was older and learned the beauty of makeup, I often see her applying a tad more foundation that she should have. She also had some acne problems when she was in high school and so I couldn't blame her. Since she went off to college, I see her around four or five times a year. But in March, last year, when my family visited me last year, I noticed something different in her. Her face was fairer and it glowed. When I looked closer, she was not wearing any makeup at all! In fact, she was fairer than when I last saw her. (See her pictures above.) So I asked her what she did and she said she was using the Cyleina Black Pearl soap for four days. Yes, you heard me. Four days. She's also using Glutamaxxx Ultima (yes there are three x's) for her body. I got the pictures with the more or less the same lighting conditions (yes, my family loves swimming) and I used the same camera.

Lei After Glutamaxxx Ultima + Cyleina Black Pearl Soap

She had no makeup on whatsoever in these pictures. Do you see the difference? And this is only after a few weeks using this combination.

That is why I was totally sold on Cyleina products. They are effective, at least for my sister. Of course, I couldn't discount the fact that we have different skin types. But it worked for my sister. It might work for you. You'll never know.

Before and After Pics Side-by-Side

How To Use Cyleina Soaps: A Cheapskate's Guide to Using Your Cyleina Soaps

2009-10-06T16:20:00.003+08:00

Don't you just hate it when you cannot use your soap up to the last bit? That's because the soap left over usually lose their ability to lather and you're left with a tiny bit of useless soap. What Cyleina lovers rave about is that Cyleina soaps have this amazing ability to create a lather even if it is just as big as your thumbnail. Ask any Cyleina customer who's been given a soap cut or soap sample and they'll know what you're talking about.

Times are hard and being a cheapskate is not something to be ashamed about. Being a cheapskate has suddenly become (gasp!) fashionable! So here's a tried-and-tested method for Cyleina lovers to get every last bit of Cyleina Organic goodness.

Make the Cut
Cyleina Organic soaps will last a little longer if you cut them in half. Some opt to cut in into fours, but I usually cut my Cyleina Organic soaps in half because holding on to a teeny bit of soap regardless of its ability to create a lather can be very challenging. Cutting the soaps in half will also make your Cyleina soaps fit in a regular soap dish. When I was a lurker in the GirlTalk Cyleina thread, a discussion was made on which instrument to use to cut their soaps. The answer is up to you. Since Cyleina soaps are softer than other soaps, you can cut it with anything, from a regular kitchen knife (which is hygienic because you have to wash it after! I repeat, wash it after. Just because soap is self-cleaning doesn’t mean that you can use the kitchen knife on food.) to a pair of scissors (I tried this because I was upstairs with no kitchen knife in hand and the lazy side of me refused to go downstairs to have my soap cut.) However, a pair of scissors will leave you with jagged edges. You can cut it with your teeth if you’re marooned in an island or trapped in a panic room. I’d like to ask Miss Leigh if you can get poisoned from eating Cyleina soaps, but I don’t want her to question my sanity. But to make your Cyleina Organic soaps last, cut it, cut it, cut it! Except for the Cyleina Black Pearl soap which is too cute to cut.

Choose your Soap Dish Well
Yes ladies and gentlemen, since Cyleina Organic soaps are free from any hardeners or parabens, Cyleina soaps may melt faster than your regular soap. That is no reason for you to bug your reseller complaining about how fast the soaps melt. So the best thing for you to do is to find a soap dish that will keep your beloved Cyleina Organic soaps away from water. Don’t let it sit too long in the water and you’ll be left with a messy and deformed lump of a soap which you can still use if you’re not grossed out that much.

Bond The Old and the New
Another trick that I use, which shows you how much of a cheapskate I’ve become, is to unite my itty-bitty Cyleina Organic soap with a new soap cut. You’ll notice that as you use your Cyleina Organic soap, that it will not break off or crumble like other soaps usually do. Instead, it will become paper thin. The trick is after it’s become too thin, you can just place it gently on top of a new soap cut, pat it so that it’s completely attached to the new soap, and leave it to dry. You’ll be surprised that the next time you bathe, the paper thin soap will bond onto the new soap.

What about you? How do you use your Cyleina Organic soaps? Any other nifty ideas on how to use Cyleina Organic soaps well are most welcome.

Silka Papaya Whitening Night Cream

2009-10-06T09:25:00.002+08:00

Don't you just love it when you discover a beauty product that is cheap and effective? Since I started with this blog, I was on the lookout for a beauty product that won't break the bank. I was still short on having a regular night cream when this little 10-gram tub of Silka Papaya Whitening Night Cream caught my eye. A steal at only P22.50, I did not hesitate to buy it.

I wasn't expecting much from a beauty product that's this cheap, but I was truly amazed that two weeks after using the Silka Papaya Whitening Night Cream, my skin positively glowed. I could say that I noticed visible lightening during this week and my skin is as soft as a baby's. Its active ingredients according to the label are:

Niacinamide
Alpha Tocopheryl Acetate
Carica papaya enzyme
Magnesium Ascorbyl Phosphate

Perhaps my skin loves papaya since the Cyleina Organic Papaya Goat's Milk has also lightened my skin like no other Cyleina whitening products did. My only complaint for the Silka Papaya Whitening Night Cream is its scent. It's a little on the sweet side, like a fully-ripened papaya fruit or Iya Villania's voice when she's singing the Silka Papaya jingle. My husband, who's very vocal with the way I smell, wasn't too keen on how the Silka Papaya Whitening Night Cream smelled. I got around to this potential problem by applying it hours before he came home from work. I tried surfing Cosmetique Asia website, the manufacturer of this little wonder, but I couldn't find the Silka Papaya Whitening Night Cream on its product line. Perhaps this is a newcomer since we've seen Iya Villania's ad for Silka Papaya has been around for some time. I'm very proud to discover, though, that this product is proudly Philippine-made, in the province of Malolos, Bulacan. So if you're looking for an affordable alternative to a whitening cream, then try the Silka Papaya Whitening Night Cream. Complement it with the Cyleina Placenta soap and you've got yourself the key to getting that healthy glow.

The New Cyleina Organic Carrot & Pineapple Soap: Yellow Suds Alert!

2009-10-05T21:41:00.004+08:00

Since I'm a member of Girltalk, I've found a lot of Cyleina fans and Sis purpleish of Girltalk so graciously let me borrow a photo of the new Cyleina organic soap variants. Here they are relaxing in potpourri. Sis purpleish also sells Cyleina soaps in Cavite and other areas. If you want to visit her Multiply site, please click here. Thanks also to her hubby who took this wonderful picture.

Now for the review. I've used the new Cyleina Organic Carrot & Pineapple for two weeks. According to literature sent by Ms. Leigh, this new product from Cyleina is loaded with vitamins that specifically target our skin. These include Vitamin C and pineapple enzymes that treat age spots and fine lines, and beta-carotene and Vitamin A from carrots. These vitamins give you glowing, youthful skin.

I used to have an Alba Organic Pineapple Facial Wash and I wasn't very keen on the smell of pineapples. Most of my experience with pineapples were rather nasty because they were usually sour and it's hard to find a perfectly ripened pineapple in Central Luzon. But bathing with the new Cyleina Organic Carrot and Pineapple soap is like biting into a pineapple and surprisingly finding out that it tastes wonderful. The smell is not at all tangy, but mild like those pineapple candies of my youth which was ingeniously wrapped to make it look like a real pineapple.

What surprised me was this soap produced yellow suds! That's right! Yellow suds perhaps from the organic pineapple and carrot extracts that were mixed in with saponified organic vegetable oil, jojoba oil, and sunflower oil. You'll be sure that you're getting a soap that has no chemical hardeners because it melted away faster than my strawberry or coffee soaps.

Since I already have youthful skin (teehee), I didn't notice anything that changed in my skin while I was using it. But once again, Cyleina Organic has given us another quality product to enhance our bathing experience.

New Look

2009-10-05T12:08:00.000+08:00

So this is too cute for words. I found this amazing site of cute free Blogger backgrounds that made me coo and make baby noises. They are just so cute!! I love Suzanne Woolcott! And I haven't forgotten my promise about the new reviews for Cyleina Organic Triple Citrus and Cyleina Organic Pineapple & Carrot. I'm still gathering my evidence since this is just the first week I'm using the Cyleina Organic Triple Citrus.

A Prayer...

2009-09-29T23:36:00.001+08:00

"It's only in the face of horror that you truly find your nobler selves. And you can be so noble." - Gabriel from Constantine

I have a million thoughts in my head, but a single prayer for those who have directly been affected by the storms that ravaged my country. You will rise above it like we've done thousands of times. Because we're Filipinos and if there's one word to describe us, it's "resilient."

Blog Identity Crisis

2009-09-25T15:25:00.005+08:00

So, I must have changed my blog layout dozens of times. I'm actually having a blog identity crisis. I started this blog mainly to have a portfolio for my Odesk writing. Then I've realized that I'm putting way too personal stuff into this that I wouldn't like my clients to read about. So I deleted this from my online portfolio and went all "jologs" with the theme. You must have seen this really jologsy layout I had back then where I went all out and used a pink-and-blue Victorian theme. Here's a snapshot of my header:

It was supposed to be a blog about effective but cheap beauty products because I would just about die than spend more than P300 on anything that makes me beautiful. This includes beauty and wellness products, clothes, and shoes. Okay, with shoes, my threshold is P2000 because I tried buying those cheap shoes that nearly killed off my beautiful toes and I swore never to entrust my pretty little feet on those damn cheap-o shoes!

But then again, I don't want to just write about beautiness (as my friend June might say), because that could get tiring, right? And thus that's the reason why I have those categories on top of my blog which I promise to populate in the near future.

Then I felt tired looking at this baduy image day in and day out. And tried to tune down the baduy theme. I wanted something pink and got this from The Cutest Blog:

But I didn't like that my text isn't readable because of the huge pink flower on the right side. And so I chose this new layout, but it totally doesn't go with my jologs theme anymore. But I feel I can live with this for now because it looks so clean. So I can't help it if my personality craves for a certain amount of order and simplicity with a little dash of kakikayan thrown in. (which is why I love that heart embellishment on the left.)

I absolutely don't want to start with another blog because it's way too tedious. So for now, suffer with me, dear readers while I sort myself out.

My First Blog Award Ever!

2009-09-23T11:27:00.013+08:00

Lookee!! I got my first blog award ever! Krissy, my new friend whom I met online gave it to me. Isn't that nice of her. Thanks so much, Krissy! And because I was inspired by her beauty routine article. Here's mine:

1. For my morning bath routine, I use Cyleina Organic soaps for my body. I have a complicated bathing routine actually because I do have ten soaps on my soap dish. Teehee! And Krissy said it's OTT. It's complicated because the cure to my keratosis pilaris (chicken skin) makes it so. I'll write about it in my next blog entry. But I use Cyleina Organic Rice Bran on those areas with keratosis pilaris, then soap my entire body with my Soap of the Day. For now, I'm reviewing Cyleina Organic Carrot & Pineapple, so that's my Soap of the Day. After I've rinsed the suds off, I apply Cyleina Organic Tomato soap on those damn keratosis pilaris. Then apply Glutamaxxx Ultima (also from Cyleina) on those areas which I want to whiten (I'll just leave you guessing what those areas are. Hihi)

If I'm going out somewhere, I use my Bath & Body Works Sweet Pea Shower Gel. That's my signature scent because I love its candyish smell. I have to be careful not to be within breathing distance from my daughter and husband, though.

2. After bathing, I slather my favorite Cyleina Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream all over my whole body, taking extra attention on those keratosis pilaris spots. If I'm going somewhere, I again use BBW Sweet Pea.No colognes or perfumes for me because they aggravate my allergic rhinitis. I do love these scents from way back:

Clinique Happy
Body Shop's Moonflower (which sadly was phased out.)

3. Then comes moisturizing. I'm using Olay Total Effects for my moisturizer right now. That's enough if I don't have somewhere to go to. But if I have to go out, then I put on just a tiny amount of Ecorre BB cream to give my skin that dewy finish. Then on goes lip gloss. I don't like lipstick much because they're too drying for me. Right now, I'm just using Nivea Lip Care Star Fruits in Strawberry. No makeup or foundation. Those are for special, special occasions.

If I do put on make-up, I just put on some Elianto Glitter Blusher in 02 Dusty Rose. I think this is the wrong color though because I've discovered that I have a warm undertone. I should be getting a peachy shade. I don't have eyeshadow yet and I'm eyeing Bare Naturals Mineral Makeup. For lipstick, I mostly love nude/natural shades. For night time, I go for Avon Gold Lipstick in Natural. For day time, I use Clinique in Creamy Nude.

3. At night time, I choose relaxing Cyleina Organic soaps, such as Cyleina Organic Green Tea soap or Cyleina Organic Grapeseed Extract soap. After applying the Cyleina Organic Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream in Chocolate, I put on my night moisturizer. For now, it's Silka Papaya Night Whitening Cream or the St. Ives Collagen Elastin Facial Moisturizer. If I'm not feeling lazy, I also apply this yummy Cyleina Organic Peruvian Cacao Solid Body Butter on my elbows, knees, and feet. If I put this on, I feel like I'm freshly baked and ready to eat. LOL! But it does make my rough spots disappear.

All this I'm doing because I'm working from home and have all the time in the world. (At least, I make it that way.) So now, I'm giving this Beautiful Blogger award to Joybeth!

This Provincial Life!

2009-09-18T10:00:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats living in the province. You have all the fresh air that you'll ever need, for instance, and sometimes, you can even see fireflies hovering around an undisturbed bush, a phenomenon I only saw once when I was waiting for a UP-Pantranco jeep. In the province, you can let your guard down, just a little, and never worry whether or not the person beside you is a pervert or a snatcher. (Although, of course, crime still happens here once in a while.) People here are kinder, more relaxed, and there are instances when you can actually be alone and think pretty little thoughts without a car honking at you.

However, life in the province does have its downside. It's way too relaxed for me. I'm the kind of girl who when attending this meditation workshop found her mind go on overdrive when the speaker said, "Close your eyes. Free your mind out of any thoughts." I miss the vibrant life that the city offers. You can feel it the moment your car reaches Balintawak and you're greeted by screaming after screaming billboard. I notice how my husband switches into city driving mode. He's more aggressive as he maneuvers the car in between buses and jeeps; unconsciously, my heart quickens alongside him and starts to beat in time with the city noise.

I sincerely believe that I am a city girl at heart. I love what the city offers. I miss eating out and discovering quaint little restaurants with my husband. I miss its convenience. Here in the province, I couldn't even find a decent pack of Prokids diapers that's NOT manufactured in 2007. Finding nonfat yogurt is as rare as winning the Lotto twice and beef is only available on Fridays.

But I guess, I was specifically placed here because I have a compulsion to buy everything I see that's pretty. My husband cured me of buying signature brands and now, I never buy clothes that cost over P300. And that's something you can actually do here in the province. I draw the line with pretty shoes, though. But I ease the guilt somewhat by buying them on sale. Lately, I've lost my drive in adding to my shoe collection because I don't have anywhere to go to except for the occasional party which is as rare as finding nonfat yogurt here in Guimba. Besides, the only parties I go to are those that you don't even have to dress up for. *Sigh*

Thank God for SCTEX. Now, Manila is within reach in two hours. Yay! And so I get my shopping fix during those instances when my hubby's willing to drive me. Or content myself to what Cabanatuan has to offer. Still, here's another reason for me not to whine that I don't live in the city.

When I was a university instructor, I commuted two hours a day everyday. I rode two jeeps before I reach the university or if I'm lucky, I get to ride the infamous Vizcaya liner. One day, I was riding a bus when a little boy started crying. He was with his dad. People started getting concerned when the crying won't let up. So an old lady asked the little boy's father what's the matter. The little boy said he was hungry. Everyone started offering him a piece of candy, a bag of chips but the boy refused to get them. Why? Because he said he wanted rice! Everyone started smiling and saying what a good boy he was and the librarian from our university ( a good friend) said, "Here, take my lunch. Do you want fried bananas?" And so, the little boy happily munched on my colleague's lunch with the father profusely thanking her.

Could you imagine if that situation happened in the city? I think if that happened in the city, people would do their best to ignore the crying child. I know, because that's exactly what I would do, too. I've probably practiced averting my eyes in every direction to make it easier for me to ignore a situation which made me uncomfortable. No one would ask why he's crying and I'm not sure if someone would even offer him food. I bet the father won't let his child touch anybody else's lunch for that matter (Goodness knows where it was prepared! Could it be drug-laced?) When you're in the city, you're blanketed with suspicion because you want to protect yourself from the evil elements that lurk in every corner.

So, whenever I curse the grocery store or the drug store here in Guimba, who don't have their stock of Olay Total Effects, I think about this heartwarming tale of my commuting days and comfort myself, that yes, I do love this provincial life with all its inconveniences. Besides, Manila is just two hours away. All I need to do is learn how to drive...or ride the Fermina bus.

I Lurvey Cyleina Organic Green Tea Soap

2009-09-17T05:52:00.003+08:00

I've been under the weather since last Sunday. My throat hurts and I had fever. I missed my daily bathing ritual. So, the moment the fever was gone, I'm back in the bathroom. I used the Cyleina Organic Green Tea soap again. I highly recommend this soap when you're feeling stressed out. You'll be awash with a sense of well-being that no other soap will give you ever. I felt like all my aches and pains were gone after I stepped out of the bathroom. The Cyleina Organic Green Tea is slowly beginning to be one of my favorites. Now, it sits in my soap dish, along with my Cyleina Organic Tomato soap and Cyleina Placenta soap. I'll give you a review of the Cyleina Placenta soap after I'm done with all my Odesk assignments because it did wonders to my face. This is going to be a quick post because I'm going to be very busy today, playing secretary to my hubby. *wink*

Goodbye Sparcky!

2009-09-06T09:20:00.002+08:00

Having a husband who's obsessed about cars will certainly rub off on you. Although I haven't learned how to drive yet and I still can't identify a car model make and year even if my life depended on it, I've learned to love them like family. This morning, the first ever car that we officially owned was sold. It's a '94 Honda hatchback sporting a Lamborghini orange body. It's a car that screams, "Look at me!" It has a sexy roar that made people turn around to look. I loved being on the passenger side of this car. I loved the snug fit of the Recaro seats. I named her Sparcky, because her body sparkles when sunlight caresses her. Sadly, two months before we bought her, I got pregnant. And we've realized that a 2-door is not the best car for a baby. So we bought a sedate 4-door sedan that could hold a baby's car seat athe the back. Next to the taupe sedan which looks like a decent middle-aged executive, Sparcky is a socy colegiala. And does she behave like one!

When the rain pours, we're in eternal fear that her lowered body won't protect her engine from the water. I could actually hear her say, "Eeeewww, puddles!!" whenever it rains. The slightest humps were unforgiving to her underside and she refused to climb even a 15-degree inclined driveway. But we loved her just the same. Before I got pregnant, we went everywhere with her. She best loved it when she's cruising the NLEX on her way to SM Pampanga where she gets to greet her fellow hatchbacks. And it was obvious that she outshone them all.

After my daughter's birth, we didn't use her as much. She sat prettily on the garage, reserved for those occasions when we didn't have to go long distances and provided it didn't rain. She's made for the city, after all. And so we had to say goodbye to her because having two cars is a luxury we couldn't afford right now. But I still remember how I felt like a star, standing next to her or riding shotgun. I sincerely hope her next owner will love her as we have loved her and may she serve them well. Goodbye, Sparcky! And thank you for adding beauty to my life.

The New Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon Soap

2009-09-06T09:00:00.002+08:00

Our sense of smell is more important than we think. According to this article, our sense of smell triggers emotional events. And a light bulb suddenly lit up. So that's the reason why every time I use my Cyleina soaps, it's always associated with another experience.

If the Cyleina Organic Green Tea soap evoked memories of nomihodai (all-you-can drink) in Japan and Earl Grey tea, the new Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon soap stirred up memories of my lunches at McDonald's in Philcoa with my college friends and how I learned how to eat apple pie without burning my tongue and flattening the pie into a messy pulp.

Never adventurous with food and being the probinsiyana I was, I first tasted McDonald's apple pie when I was a freshman in UP. I ordered apple pie because all my friends ordered it. When I bit I bit into it, I felt excruciating pain both on my tongue and my fingers. That damn apple pie was as hot as hell! And so, JM, my Iska friend, taught me the basics of eating apple pie.

She taught me how to hold it gingerly and how to bite into the fold, instead of where the two ends meet. In this way, I won't crush the apple pie and won't spill hot apple pie filling all over the place.

This funny memory was what came into my mind when I started lathering up Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon soap. This is the latest of Cyleina Organic's holiday offering. Forgive me if I don't have a photograph of it here. I was so excited to try it out that I failed to take a picture. Let my words suffice for now, while I wait for my next batch.

The new Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon soap has a nice pink hue with brown bits which makes it the prettiest soap in the Cyleina line so far. Now, some of my Girltalker-Cyleina fans say that the Triple Citrus is the prettiest, but I haven't seen it yet. Besides, pink and brown (or anything pink and black) is a great combination. The soap created a nice bubbly lather which I think is very important to soaps. I applied it on my face for two weeks to see what its effects are.

What does apple or cinnamon do to your skin? According to my research, apples contain malic acid, which is a natural alpha hydroxy acid. Alpha hydroxy acids are mainly exfoliants. AHA also increases blood circulation, which is good to the skin. Studies say that an increase in blood flow to the skin will help minimize the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. On the other hand, cinnamon, according to Cosmetic Cop, has antimicrobial and antioxidant properties.

Since I'm in my early thirties, I don't have to worry about wrinkles yet. I do have some fine lines along my eyes, the result of rubbing my eyes often. What I mainly wanted to find out was whether or not the new Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon soap can replace my Cyleina Organic Tomato soap to minimize the raised bumps of my keratosis pilaris or chicken skin. I also applied it on my face because I do have some minor bumps in there. These are not pimples, but perhaps some type of milia. (I still have to ask my dermatologist about this.)

Two weeks after and using up one-fourth of the soap, here's my take on this new product. The scent is definitely like McDonald's apple pie, but unlike the other mild scents, this one had a slightly artificial note on it. Although some fellow Cyleina lovers who were test driving it liked the scent, I didn't like it that much. As for its powers of minimizing the bumps on my arms, it wasn't as effective as the Cyleina Organic Tomato soap.

Since my skin is very dry, the new Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon soap stripped my face of the oils, making it rough and aggravating those tiny bumps. So far, I've yet to see a Cyleina Organic soap that will work wonders on my face. I've tried Black Pearl, Papaya Goat's Milk, and Lavender and all of them were too drying.I'm sitting beside my brother-in-law's girlfriend right now and I envy her slightly pinkish, almost Korean-like complexion, thanks to Kojic and Black Pearl. I am not giving up yet... I know out there lies my HG soap for my face. I just have to be more patient in finding it.

So although I won't be using the Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon soap for anything else except for cleansing, it's a wonderful addition to the Cyleina Organic soap line. Besides, it will also make a wonderful holiday gift for my friends. I hope the other Cyleina soap lovers can share their experience with this new variant of Cyleina Organic soaps. Don't hesitate to share with me your thoughts about Cyleina Organic Apple Cinnamon soap. Just send me a message and I'll gladly post it here.

Of Husbands and Exfoliating Soaps

2009-09-02T23:29:00.002+08:00

I found this hilarious blog about a distraught husband of a handmade soap maker. It echoed my husband's sentiment exactly. If Mr. Guimba can write as astutely as The Meatist, then he'd be writing these words exactly. You're guaranteed a good laugh!

My husband. the forever skeptic, hasn't been sold in on my addiction to organic soaps. He tried the Cyleina black pearl soap for two weeks and then, he stopped. Could I help it if his skin is impervious to any soap I've asked him to try? I've given up giving him Cyleina soaps because he always has complaints. Men!

Unfortunately, no matter how much I love these products, it's not the cure-all for all skin types. You have to try them and see which ones will work well with your skin. My husband has oily, acne-prone skin. He's tried tomato and broke out into cystic pimples. He's tried anti-acne and Gluta-maxxx Ultima, but I think it's the salicylic components that he's allergic to. (Let me just say that there are three non-organic soaps that are being manufactured by Cyleina, but these are not featured in any of their websites.) After that, he gave up. Nakakasira ng business ang hubby ko. Hehe.

Nevertheless, I have had so many positive responses with the soaps that I'm convinced you just have to keep trying. I myself is a living testimony of how good they are. There are some that I don't like. There are others I can't live without. So there.

New Cyleina Organic Green Tea Soap

2009-09-02T10:34:00.002+08:00

I've never been much of a fan of green tea. My first encounter with them was back in Japan, when I went to a Japanese tea ceremony and was surprised when I was handed tea that made me suspicious. It turned out to be matcha with a thick consistency. Of course I had no other choice but to drink it. I felt like I was drinking mud. Aside from that unpleasant part, it was a peaceful ritual that left me with a sense of well-being and a bitter aftertaste.

I know that green tea is packed with antioxidants. That's why the Japanese look eternally youthful and they enjoy a long, healthy life sans the cancer and the heart disease. Green tea is filled with polyphenols which purportedly shield you from these dreaded diseases. It's also an aid in weight loss. However, no amount of research and health benefits can convince me to ingest this bitter concoction. Unless it comes in a bottle that says C2.

The only green tea cosmetic product that I've tried was the one from Watson's, which I had to buy because in my clumsiness, I accidentally knocked off this huge bottle of Green Tea Cream Body Wash and damaged the spout. The sales person looked so distraught that I had to buy it. I was sure that if I didn't, the amount will be deducted from her pay. I tried the body wash, but I felt like I grabbed a hunk of grass and rubbed it on my body. I felt like a Neanderthal in a cave. I couldn't take the leafy smell even when I used it as a handwash, so I gave it to my little girl's nanny instead. I knew she was eyeing that untouched body wash for weeks. That's why I didn't feel enthusiastic when I was given a huge complimentary bar from the newest addition to the Cyleina Organic Soap line. Miss Leigh is really generous with her freebies, bless her good heart, because the Cyleina Organic Green Tea soap was huge!

Cyleina's Organic Green Tea soap looks unpretentious. The sample I got had an earthy hue and it looked like the art deco stones I see everywhere in new houses here in NE. I've taken a picture of it here sporting the new sophisticated labels of the Cyleina products. It had speckles which I think are ground green tea leaves. The label says that this soap is made from saponified organic vegetable oil, jojoba oil, sunflower oil, and green tea. When I took a whiff of the soap, it smelled refreshing. And curiosity got the best of me. I cut a chunk of this huge bar (thanks, Miss Leigh!) and used them in the shower.

Cyleina's Organic Green Tea soap does have a refreshing smell. It reminds you of a blissful morning in a forest. In fact, I felt like I was back in high school, hiking with my high school buddies. It lathered well on my hands, but watch out for the speckles! They can be rather rough on your skin. After my shower, I felt that I have finally taken my cup of green tea without complaint. I felt like I've just bathed from a spring. It's like going to tranquil Japan all over again.

However, I've realized how important my moisturizers were when two hours after I came out of the bath, my skin had this thin white film on it. My skin tends to be on the dry side, so I need my moisturizers like water. So perhaps, this is better for those with oily skin. Watch out for my blog post about the two types of lotion from Cyleina Organic which is my Holy Grail as far as lotions go.

My verdict: The Cyleina Organic Green Tea soap is definitely an addition to my bath routine. I'm using it as a night soap to help me unwind. So if I cannot drink green tea, then I'll have my skin do the work instead.

The Battle of the Peruvians

2009-09-01T13:26:00.002+08:00

Looking at the title of this blog post, it sounds like an article about a WWF match. But I'm going to talk to you about this wonderful organic whipped body butter cream from my favorite skin line, Cyleina Organic, the Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream. You might think, "Why is Miss Guimba always blogging about Cyleina?" It's because I have discovered this really great product and I want to share it with all of you beauty junkies. I tried this awesome product way before it got a sophisticated look and when it only had an original scent. Now, it sports a real sophisticated gold embossed label and has two exciting scents, chocolate and vanilla & milk.

I thought I found my Holy Grail of lotions with the Bath and Body Works Sweet Pea lotion, but after I got complaints from my hubby and daughter about its too strong scent, I had to find a lotion with a milder one. Unfortunately, the BBW Sweet Pea triggers my daughter's allergic rhinitis. So even if its my signature scent for nights out, it has to be replaced.

Anyhoo, enter the Peruvians. The Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream by Cyleina Organics is made from peruvian cacao, beeswax, and shea butter. Peruvian cacao is the most complex substance in the world. It's ORAC value is 40 times that of blueberries. The ORAC value is the amount of antioxidants in a substance. As you might well know, antioxidants battle free radicals that cause aging in our skin. The Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream is the cream version of Cyleina's Peruvian Cacao Solid Body Butter which I think is the Ultimate Moisturizer. However, since I live in a hot and humid place, I'd rather not have skin that makes me a human version of fly paper. I do love the solid body butter as a massage bar, but we're getting off-topic.

The whipped butter cream has two versions: the chocolate and the vanilla and milk. I've taken a picture of them here. A newly opened chocolate one and a much-loved vanilla and milk tub. You'll see how I love these products by how they look.

Round 1: Looks and Scents

The chocolate version is my first love. It's has a white creamy texture. If you stick your nose near the tub, you'll be welcomed with a whiff of dark chocolate, almost cocoa scent. If you're a chocolate addict, you'll love the chocolate peruvian. On the other hand, the vanilla & milk version of the Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream is slightly brownish in color with the same texture as the chocolate one. The moment you open the tub, a strong vanilla scent will waft to your nostrils. Now, I'd just like to let you know that I was never a fan of the vanilla scent. Cyleina's Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream completely cured me of this aversion to vanilla. The vanilla scent sticks longer than the chocolate, but since I'm going for a scent that doesn't earn me a glare from my husband, then chocolate wins! But let me tell you that my daughter doesn't start sneezing when she smells the vanilla & milk peruvian. So it's a draw.

Round 2: Body Absorption Rate

The label makes this review sound so scientific, right? But for all of you who are wearing moisturizers in the Philippines, this is a major concern. There are so many moisturizers in the market that don't have the perfect balance between high moisturizing properties and absorption capabilities. One might be an excellent moisturizer, but leave so much grease that you'd think you've just participated in a wrestling match with someone in oil . Some may be lighter on the skin, but fail in the moisturizing side.

Let me start with the chocolate peruvian. It does take some time for the body to absorb the cream. You have to smoothen it until your skin absorbs it. The vanilla & milk version is better at the skin absorption game. Just apply once and your skin drinks up its creamy goodness. It's also more moisturizing than the chocolate version, so the winner of round 2 is the vanilla & milk.

I'm still using my chocolate Cyleina Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream, but if I had to make the choice, I'd go for the Vanilla & Milk version. It has this heavenly vanilla scent that makes you feel like you've just had chiffon cake freshly baked from the oven. The Vanilla & Milk Peruvian will moisturize any dry skin, leaving it soft and smooth. I couldn't believe how smooth my skin was that I'd spend time just running my hand over it. My husband attests to it. He couldn't keep touching my skin and saying, "Ang kinis mo na!" So grab your Peruvian Cacao Whipped Butter Cream now and slather this luxurious cream after every bath.

Miss Guimba Introduces Herself

2009-08-31T18:20:00.003+08:00

Miss Guimba-Public Market was born while I was tucking in my one-year-old. My mind was overloaded with endless ideas for my blogs and I had a Eureka moment with this name. It just sounded right. This term was coined by my good friend June Dizon, back when I was still an instructor in CLSU. He used to call the Tres Marias of the English Department (Joybeth, Abyh and yours truly), Miss San Jose, Miss Munoz, and Miss Guimba respectively. While this would have been a compliment of sorts, he would douse it with the addition of "public market" at the end of the title. It drew out a lot of laughs from us and the name stuck.

I came from a long line of "beauty queens." My aunt Bing won Miss Bayombong and my mother won a beauty title when she was in her 50s. My older sister followed in their footsteps. With our stage mother in tow, she would join beauty pageants as far as Cagayan. I was crowned "Miss United Nations" in high school. Sadly, all our hopes to become the next Miss Universe were dashed to pieces when we wouldn't grow more than 5 feet. I fault my mother and father who were diminutive. There's no beating the "height" genes.

I was a certified "kikay." My greatest dream in elementary school was to be a majorette in our drum and bugle band. Sadly, my height got in the way again and I lost that place to a taller classmate, Haidee, a very good friend. I had to content myself with a side majorette position. I used to dress and put on make-up and practice my "beauty pageant walk" and talent portion. I tasted the highs of victory and the bitterness of loss in beauty pageants. Most of all, it bred in me a competitive spirit. I had to be number one or die trying!

Then UP happened. This is a place where brains reign and beauty scoffed. To my horror, beauty pageants were laughed at. The only beauty pageants in UP were the ones held in dormitories where real men dress up as women. So I hid my beauty queen titles and participated in sneering at beauty pageants and how "degrading" they were to women. I vowed never to let my daughters join in any activity that treats them as "objects."

Now, I'm living in this unknown place called Guimba, a mom to two future beauty queens. I've compensated for my lack of height by marrying a six-footer. I hope my daughters surpass my 5'2" height (Okay, okay, 5'1") and inherit my nose.

This is my blog. It's a home for my random thoughts about anything and everything under the sun. But it's also a chronicle of blooming where I'm planted, of learning how to be grateful for what I have, and of bringing beauty in this dusty place.